Learning to Slow Down

Over the past year, I've been working hard to forget about the death of my dear friend. I thought if I stopped or slowed down too much, the sheer thought of her passing would bring me to a crashing halt again. 

But that's not true.

A few months back, I landed in the A & E of the Greenslopes Private Hospital and it was because I had almost burnt myself out. The doctor in charge there asked me if I'd been through a huge loss, and I said yes, and he asked if I had been working hard on things all year - and not letting her go. I hadn't really thought about it, but I have been doing a lot of things in the past year to stop myself from thinking about Hannah.

I'm beginning to slow down a little now. I'm working slowly on things, enjoying a movie on Saturday nights again, reading the newspaper on Sunday mornings. Hey, I've even gotten back into reading part of a book before turning out the light again - now I haven't done that since before Hannah died last May. 

At long last, my life is beginning to get back into some kind of normal again. But it's her memory which I'm trying to keep alive as well. I guess this will take time to do with people who knew her.

Things in my life are taking shape though. Hannah did ask me to live a better and more fulfilled life than she did (she did more than I've ever done), so I almost immediately started saving up for a camper after she passed away. I also cleaned up my garden, started cleaning out my house on a major scale and put into work a beanie I've always wanted to design... and I'm well on my way to getting into the type of life I've been only planning. 

The one thing I have to do to get this life plan of mine working properly is to slow down. I have to learn to watch life pass me by a little, relax and enjoy what I've got and what is going on around me more and learn to wait for things. Yep, life is one big lesson on waiting isn't it? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Family Dinner

I'm an introvert... well, when you live on your own, you kinda become one. And it's something which affects how your house looks. 

I do clean the house, the floors, do my laundry on a regular basis and toss out the rubbish into the bin outside - but I rarely have visitors come to my house for dinner or lunch.

It's just a thing I don't do because I like my privacy and so the house and how it's presented doesn't look like a home you'd see of a normally social person. I don't put things away straight away. I have unusual-looking things in unusual-looking places - and yes I think it's normal. 

Being an artist, I have all my art things within easy reach of where I want them. My knitting box is right next to me so I can access it at night - and it's rarely put away. And when it is, a lot of the times, I can't find it because I have the most rotten memory. 

I never make my bed - unless I have to, like for example, when I go on holidays. Yep, I make my bed then, because there's nothing worse than coming home from a week or so away and you didn't make your bed before you left.

I'm constantly cleaning out the house - there's always something being thrown in the bin or taken to a charity store. I'm always moving things around the place to make the most of the room I have... and yet, I still don't have enough space for anything I have already. 

And this week, I have my parents coming over for dinner... and yes, this is freaking me out. I haven't had them over in so long, that I've spent a few days just cleaning the house, putting things away and tidying up. So far, it's looking good. 
Today, I did the last-minute shop where I got what I needed for the dinner tomorrow night. And this afternoon, I'll be putting away a few things and vacuuming and dusting everything I can. It'll take a few hours, but it'll be worth it. Then, I'll get in and chop up most of the vegetables and put them into a bowl of water for the cannelloni tomorrow night. This saves me chopping them up tomorrow afternoon; and I'll have more time to get in and do more around the place.

I know I should keep the house tidier, but living on your own isn't easy. When you're on your own, you have to do everything - from the cooking and cleaning to the gardening and shopping and paying your own bills. A lot of the times, you can't get on top of everything completely. It takes a long time to have the house completely tidy - and you normally have to put down absolutely everything you're doing in your life and spend weeks cleaning to get it anywhere near what you want your place to look. But keeping it tidy turns out to be too difficult for me. So, the townhouse gets a big clean-up once in a while and I try to keep it tidy for a few months; and fail miserably. 

I really do wish I could do better... does anyone else have this problem? Or am I alone? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember I'm always here.