It's been a while since I last wrote. But I've been going through a dark phase; and didn't want to depress you all.
The garden is looking great; and I'm adding new little succulents which I got from a friend of mine last week. I'm also saving up for my birthday present of 2 shelving units from Stratco to put all my art and craft stuff into from the markets. This will give me more room to move - and an extra box to use for storage. The Crafty Pegs items I didn't sell on Saturday will be taken to my old craft group and they can sell them off to have the money given to the community centre. I just can't be bothered working out Gumtree where people want things for nothing... it's not worth my trouble.
I'm cleaning out the unit again, and I started on Saturday night, where I cleaned up a piece of furniture and gave it to my new neighbours. They love it! There's going to be the skinny bookcase too; which I'll give to them as well. I won't be needing it anymore, and I scored that for nothing. So, why not pass it on while it's still in good condition?
Well, I'll be cleaning out my art gear and handing it onto people who want it, and getting rid of canvases I don't want as well... while getting ones I want to use for my next exhibition. It's going to be a big clean up, and it's going to be all worth the mess to start with. By November, my place will be tidier and better and easier to use and store things in.
I'm looking forward to the next month of sorting out and I'm more eager about working on the place because I have a goal about how things are going to be. Just like the garden, my house needs a big tidy-up, bigger than it needed before. This will mean I'll be letting go of big things which I had in the place for a long time. And seeing a part of my Crafty Pegs hobby business is being let go of, doesn't mean it's going away, I'm just taking it into another direction... a great one.
My life is going into another direction as well.
Since Hannah's passing, I've been in mourning and hit a kind of bottom. Some of my friends and family probably didn't see it, but I haven't been doing so well emotionally. I've had a huge case of writer's block and haven't been able to write anything to call substantial since May or June.
But I'm getting my writing mojo back and I'm beginning to sleep better (yeah, I wasn't sleeping all that well). I've begun to look after myself, eating better and going to the gym, and I'm beginning to see things in a different light. I do miss my wonderful friend greatly, however, she was in pain.
This past weekend was the first time I really enjoyed the whole weekend right through. I attended the funeral of a family member and didn't say much to many people - which was something only a few people noticed.
And on the Saturday, I was up before dawn and attended my very last markets ever; totally enjoying my day. I forgot to bring my coffee and sugar and laughed at myself about it. It was a great, beautiful day to sit back and sell some goods to people.
Then, on Sunday, I drove to the fruit market and took my time getting home - something I never do. It was the first time I really looked up and around in months to see it was truly a beautiful Spring day... that I had completely missed out on Winter and had pretty much ignored the world for so long.
I spent my time split between sorting through my crap in the art area and sitting out in my newly-renovated garden that day, watching it - admiring it - and enjoying the beauty of that day. I had missed out on the past few months, somehow closing myself off from everyone and everything.
Today, I went to art class and my teacher, Aaron, even noticed my attitude and my mood is different from the past months. He asked me if I'm okay... I smiled, 'Yeah, I'm better than I have been in a while.' And you know, I don't know what's happened lately. But I think it's because I've allowed myself to mourn and grieve properly that I can be happy with myself now. I'm hoping to move onto a new painting next week. I'm looking forward to cleaning up and cleaning out the living room and kitchen area so I can have my house tidier than it's ever been before. I'm hoping to be more positive than I have been in months. What are you hoping for? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.