Depression

I've been acting... making out things are fine, when they're not - and it's all caught up with me.

This is a bad thing to do.

Yesterday, my mind caught up with me and I mentally fell down and couldn't get up. 

It's only been 6 months since my childhood friend took her own life; and I hid from my grief. I hid in my garden and renovated the crap out of it... and when I ran out of money and the weather got too hot, when I had to stop and look around,when I couldn't hide in the garden anymore, I ... fell down.

I had to take in reality.

I haven't written anything to do my fictional worlds which is more than 2,000 words since May of this year. I can barely get out a poem - not even a sonnet or a ballad - and yet reading has become an alien planet to me. I walk into my home library and I just want to throw out all of my books and have an empty room.

But I know it's not me who is really thinking that. It's grief. It's depression. It's that horrible nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that I could have saved her - it's name is Guilt. 

I couldn't have saved Hannah. 

If I flew to the UK and tried to help her, what else would I have done? Been shattered over there, as much as I am here, that's what.

National Novel Writing Month is coming up in a week or two and I'm hoping to push through my inability to work and make myself write 50,000 words. I have to get myself through this drought of words and get back into my fictional worlds again... I miss the characters, the way it all works, my fun trips there and back.

Depression has many faces - and reality can make it crush your world. Mine has been crushed after so many months hiding from it; and now, I need time to work on how to live without my dear friend.

Positive Actions

It's just hit the three month mark since my dear friend passed away; and I'm seriously struggling with her death. I really miss her being in my life - even though she lived so far from me.

But it's the little things which really bug me and cause me to remember her when I least expect them to; the tiny little memories of her which come out of the woodwork when I'm minding my own business and doing other things which have nothing to do with her, which cause me to remember her the most.

I get this feeling of dread come over me when I'm reminded that she's no longer with us, in this realm... on planet Earth. This is a horrible feeling to have; and I wish it would go away. But I know it will take time.
At first I was numb and felt as though my world had caved in on itself - and this is normal. I mean, Hannah had killed herself. This isn't the Natural Order of things, which is something I believe in, and I feel as though Hannah has gone against this completely. I still think what she's done is wrong, even though her pain would have been impossible to live with for her. 

So, positive actions must be taken on my part to make this all work out, to help me get through my grief. And so, what I've been doing is fixing up my backyard and making it into something I can be happy with, making it grow into a lovely, private thing to live in. 

The next thing I've thought to do is to join a gym and get myself fit and healthy. Seeing I'm relatively healthy with what I eat, and am sleeping okay for now, I'd like to be physically healthy as well. So, that's something I've been looking into lately. And over the past week, I've joined a gym on a trial membership to see how I go with it over the next month. I think I'm going to like it there... sure it'll be hard, but that's what life is: a challenge.

There are other future plans for me to get into as well. I have the War On Waste Challenge - which has returned for another season on the ABC; and once the garden is all fixed up, I'll be right into my decluttering again and looking at only what I need in the house. Being focused through the gym will help me with that - a lot of things will be leaving my house and I'll be ready to move away from here at some point in the future. 

These are positive actions which are going to help me with my life. It's true that I hate what has happened in the past 3 months - losing a wonderful friend like Hannah to suicide is the worse thing I'd ever though would happen to me - but I must move on and get myself healthy, keep my mind on track and make sure I'm don't let depression rule my life. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Visitors and A Full Saturday

Yesterday, my brother and his girlfriend came over to my townhouse for a visit. It was great to see them; as I don't have visitors normally, and least of all my family. 

You see, I do enjoy my townhouse, but I'm very embarrassed about the townhouse complex I live in... it's rare for me to invite people to my place because of the suburb the complex is in and how my neighbours act in it; and yesterday was no different. When my brother and his girlfriend showed up, they scored a parking spot at the back (only just because it was full with cars) and somebody new was moving in a couple of doors down and had parked in front my next door neighbour's place... well, another neighbour did his pills while I stood there embarrassed that my family had to see this side of my neighbour. 
Then, the poor new neighbour asked me where he could park. I told him that there was a car park down the front just inside the gate or there was car park just at the end. But he was convinced there wasn't - a lot of people don't know about the end car park because they're never shown the back one. My brother told him to drive around to the back, following the drive around he'd find it - and he did, got lost and came back, parking his car back in front of his unit. 

During this time, my brother and his girlfriend had coffee with me while my brother install wifi and Netflix... all exciting and new in my home. However at first, I didn't want it - the wifi, yeah, but the Netflix, not really. But when I saw how many shows were on there, and what I didn't need to pay for or save up for with dvds, well, I thought it might be a good thing after all.

While we were having something to eat, we chatted about the townhouse and how long I've lived here for and what has happened since I moved in. And I said that this place has reverted back to what it was when I moved in over 15 years ago - it hasn't improved or moved forward as many places would; and I don't want to live here anymore. They get it, and my brother said it's time for the townhouse to get evaluated, I told him I did that last year and because of its position, and the work done on it over the years, it's worth more than it was when it was bought years ago. 

While my brother was on my computer, his girlfriend asked me about the terrarium on the table and how I got it grow properly, and I told her the ingredients which go into terrariums; and that I'd love to have more room in a house to have another two or three - but I just simply don't. I have another one in my bedroom and that's it. But I do enjoy building them, they're just adorable - but the most expensive part is the container.
Then she asked me about my dish drainer and where I bought it. Well, I tried to remember exactly which kitchen store I bought it and the only thing I did remember was the it was a place on Compton Road, and she had to Google for it and showed me a few kitchen places and we finally found it. 
After we all had something to eat, set up my account for Netflix and got it all sorted out and I chose a show to see if it worked out (which was Gilmore Girls - A Year Of) my brother could see I was going to setting in and watch the show. Then asked his girlfriend if she watched The Gilmore Girls and she said 'Yeah I used to watch it... it's a great show.' I said I loved it until it went off the air and they made the year of the Gilmore Girls but didn't put it on free to air and I was bummed that it was only on Foxtel. 

Well, we went out to the garden where I had been doing so much work, and my brother was stunned at how much changed in it. I told him there was plants I found were taking over the garden too much and I really needed a change. They both loved it that I was growing garlic and that I had gotten myself a greenhouse and took a look around in it. I offered up the spare herbs and his girlfriend took them off my hands - saying they'd plant them out and use them! I said they were from Bunnings and were the $3.00 ones... I didn't see much point in letting them die if somebody else could have them. 

Before long, they were off and it started raining less than 10 minutes after they left - good hard rain too! I watched 3 seasons of 'The Gilmore Girls' and then ate dinner. Chatted to my Mum and Dad on the phone about the Netflix and then thought that I might have to talk to my ISP about how much download I've got... see if the Netflix will take up. It might be a lower download than I think. I'll have to see. Well, that was Saturday, I totally enjoyed my day, but I was stuffed by 10pm as I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep the night before - no thanks to a weirdo who bashed and crashed around for an hour at 1:30am, and when I called the cops (which I am sure everyone else did too) they told me off for calling triple 0 because the guy had a reputation for flipping out and destroying things around him. 
Well, I zonked at 10pm and only woke about twice in the night to roll over... the alarm woke me and I'm well-rested now. Another good night's rest and I'll be ready to tackle the next week. 

Yep, this weekend is full. I'm chilling out today on here, and enjoying my time online and I'll see what I want to watch. Television to me is something I watch in the late-afternoon and evening, it's not a daytime thing. I don't use it all the time to while away my day. Well, until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Purple Day

Today is Purple Day - the day to bring to the fore and into the public eye the attention of Epilepsy. This is an uncomfortable and very confronting medical condition that nobody wants to talk about or think about because it's not pretty, it's not a behind-closed-doors kinda thing.

No, Epilepsy is a brain condition which affects not only the person who is suffering from it, but their family and friends. This brain condition - and it's also a disease - is something I've been born with and have recently found out that it's genetic in my body. 

Man, did I feel like I was cursed!

But the doctors told me that it would take time to get myself well - time and patience. I had all the time in the world; but patience? Well, I wanted to do so much!

We have been to Melbourne and back, where I overdosed by accident. I've been in and out of so many hospitals and lost track of how many medications I've been on... and now so many years later, I'm eating a healthy vegetarian diet, don't drink alcohol, don't smoke (anything) and yet, still find it difficult to get to sleep at night. 


I have accomplished a few things I've always wanted. I'm living on my own now, and own a car as well. I've learned to cook, take care of myself and my home and learned to keep plants alive too. And these are things which are wonderful to accomplish in life - and they may be small to some people, but for me, they're majorly huge.

But today, I want to step forward and tell people about my condition/disease as it's not all what you see in the movies. It's nerve-racking, it's tiring and feeling like you're not in complete control of your life or anything you do - ever. 
It's not able to sleep in until 10am, all because you have to be up by 7am to eat with your medication or it'll burn a whopping big hole in your stomach and it hurts like hell.
It's having to pick and choose which nights you can have late on the weeknights just in case you stupid neighbours decide at the last second to have a 24-hour party and keep everyone awake not only on Friday night but also on Saturday night as well - expecting you and everyone else to sleep when they do.
It's looking at everything set out at a party and knowing you can't touch any of the lollies just in case it all collides with your medications - and opting for water instead of the crazy-coloured soft-drinks, while people give you a weird look and you have to explain you can't drink 'that stuff because it's full of crap ingredients I can't have.'
It's not only these things, it's the physical things too - the after-seizure problems of absolutely no energy, the scars you have on your body, the cuts, bruises and sore joints and muscles which take an age to heal. It's the stay in hospital where you can't sleep because your brain is still zapping away and you're waking up before anyone wakes you up to check your blood pressure. And it's the brain fogginess of wondering how long it'll be before you'll back to normal again - only to have this electrical short circuit screw you over again.


Then, there's the doctor's appointments, the blood tests you have all your life - more than most people do - just to keep your levels in check. Some of the medications I take can't be checked, so the doctors have to get my liver and kidneys checked to make sure one of the medications isn't shutting them down without my knowledge. This is the creepy part of being on medications for the brain: it affects everything else in your body.
The seizures I used to take in my past will come back and bite me in the arse because in a few years, I'll have to get my heart looked at due to my heart muscle and aorta being at risk of being weakened as I age. My bones are likely to weaken faster too; so I'm on Calcium pills at night - have been since my mid-30's - to keep them strong for when I'm older and my body ages.

And that's not all.

Every year, I have to get my eyes tested for my driver's licence and have a medical certificate from my doctors to say that I'm cruising along just fine... this means more blood tests to say that everything I'm taking is stable and a-okay. Only then will the government renew my licence to drive a car. If anything is not reviewed every year, I'm not allowed to drive anywhere. 

So, please do help me bring to the forefront of the news and people's minds today this majorly overlooked medical condition. 

It's only for one day a year I ask you to talk about this subject... so please wear purple today. Talk about Epilepsy and you'll be surprised who you know who has it. For one thing: you know I have it. 

Energy Rates on the Rise

I've found through listening to the news on the radio, and online here on Facebook and other news outlets that people are getting hit hard with their power bills. I saw a report on iSelect FB page about a young woman who couldn't save money for her bills; saying she was putting away around $80 per fortnight for the bills, but it just wasn't covering any of them. 

I've been living on my own for 15 years next week; and pay my bills on time every time. I did have a few teething problems when I started out; and it took some time for me to get used to paying bills on my own. However, there's been a good bit of planning included in it. Over this time, I've been looking at how I've used my appliances. 

Set Up A Bill-Paying Account so you can pay all your bills through one account - and one account only. This is a great idea if you have an account where you've got some $400 left there for a while. I had this when I finished work; and changed that account into a Bill-Paying Account with my bank. This helped me greatly when I started putting away money via direct debit (no, I'm not telling you how much is put away, but it's there all the time). You have to put away more than $100 into this account to make it worthwhile... otherwise you'll never be able to pay for your bills.  Also, this account isn't there for you to spend money from when you feel like it - this is to pay all your bills; only your bills.
Also, bundling your bills will help cut costs as well. For example: bundling your internet and landline phone with one company will be cheaper than having those separate. And have your smartphone prepaid, so you're not on your data all the time; and you get into the habit of budgeting what you can use and also turning off your data when you're not using it. 

Turn The Appliances Off At the Wall when you're not using them. I've been doing this for years. That little stand-by light sucks up a lot of juice over time. So, you don't need it on all the time. Making sure your television, dvd player, stereo system and computer monitor, speakers (on the computer), kettle, and washing machine are turned off all the time until you need them, is a good idea. Per quarter, I barely pay $100 on my power bill... and I live on my own on a pension. 

Turn Off Useless Lighting. This doesn't mean have just one light bulb and change it from room to room.. this means if you're not using that room, and the light is on, turn it off. If you're in the living room, and the hall light and kitchen light are on - but nobody is in them, go and turn off those other lights and just have the living room light on. Get into the habit of turning off lights as you leave the room, and you'll turn it into a good habit. Also, if you use beside lamps instead of the large overhead light, it also uses less energy. So, at night, use use your bedside lamp instead of your main bedroom light; and you'll be saving yourself getting out of bed to turn out the light, and energy in the long run too. 

Don't Eat Out Unless It's A Special Occasion. Learn to make your food from scratch. It takes more time, sure, but it'll save you a lot of money in the long run. I have learned to make pizza (pizza dough has 4 ingredients and isn't that hard to make - you just need 1 1/2 hours to yourself and a bit of patience, and you'll get it). Plus learning to cook for yourself means you'll always have food in your fridge. And this leads to my next item...

Learn To Make Your Own Fancy Coffee. I don't mean the packet ones, I mean learn to get the plunger coffee and make it at home instead of going out and buying coffee. When you think of going out and buying coffee at a whopping $4 - $5 a cup, you could be saving that by making it at home! I know that means you're not socialising, but really, what's better? Keeping money in your bank account or spending it on expensive coffee? And if you can't live without your coffee, make it a once a fortnight or once a month thing... at a great place you enjoy being at.

Op-Shop Everything In Your House. This sounds like I'm saying: spend your money. But really I'm not. In a good way, it's a wise way of spending. You go to a charity store thinking that it's going to smell like Grandma's old wardrobe. But no. Charity stores have had a huge change in the last few years. They look like and feel like proper retail stores. And if you're looking for something for your home, you'll most probably find it. If you want to get rid of something from your place, they are the places to send your unwanted things to. I use them, I swear by them, I love them... and I haven't bought anything brand new in ages. From clothes to vinyls to books to kitchenwares and wall-hangings, I've bought more and more from charity stores at a quarter of the cost of larger retail stores. This year, I kitted out my living room with two living room chairs and a side table and the costs didn't reach $100 over a few months. 

Live Frugally. I know that sounds like I'm talking about being a hobbit. But what I'm talking about is: 
Buy only what you'll need at the shop - not what you think you'll need. 
Make a shopping list and stick to it! Have a budget per fortnight - and only shop per fortnight. 
Have a few savings accounts where money gets put away through direct debit. This will mean you'll have to go without - no clubbing, no restaurants, no movies, no brand new clothes - but in the long run, you'll have an account or two where you'll have the money for things when you need it. 

Living Within A Budget - a strict one - will make your life a little harder, but also a little easier. It does mean that when you go out to those larger shopping centres, you can only window shop... but the charity stores are the places you'll end up cherishing because the same things will be there at a quarter of the cost you've seen them elsewhere. 

I'm not saying this will be easy... it's not. It's harder than you think. I live by a strict budget and I'm on a Disability Support Pension. I have to pay for my rent, all my bills, a PO Box (a must-have seeing my mail gets stolen by school kids in my area), my medication, food, petrol and anything to be done on my car, and any other incidentals (other crap that crops up in my life unexpectedly) and art school... all out of that pension - and that's not much. So, when the power and gas bills go up, I find that I kinda shrug and know I'm okay. I don't pay that much because I'm so strict on myself already.  

So, with a bit of planning and knowing how to spend your money - and when - paying those dreaded bills won't be so hard. It's just difficult in the beginning of being on your own that makes it so daunting. 

A Deceit by Chocolate

For a week where I wasn't expected to do anything or go anywhere, didn't have any doctor's appointments or have anywhere to really go, I was really busy.

Monday was my usual art class. But I felt sick the whole time; and just came home hibernated for the afternoon. I didn't know why I was sick, but I was. My guts were going backflips and I was sweating like you wouldn't believe. I kept thinking I was going to have a seizure - but it never happened. I also didn't want to eat, and couldn't sleep.

Something was up, and it was in my food.

So, I sussed out what I had been eating since last week... and you know? It was the new Lindt Orange chocolate pillows. I read the ingredients, didn't know half the numbers and started Googling. Oh... My... God! You wouldn't believe what those new number meant! 

I found numbers 211 and 401 weren't what I thought they'd be. One of them were to preserve jellies and fruit colourings (which is what was inside the pillows the chocolate - the orange substance) and 401 was something that caused cancer and both of them were Halal Certified! 211 could cause all kinds of problems with nausea and causing your body to not absorb nutrients properly and other bigger problems - like dizziness and confusion. 

Exactly why did they put this shit into this particular chocolate then think it was okay to sell it to the public??? I have Googled around again and again, and still come to the same conclusion about these two additives - they are not good for us; whether they have the E on the beginning of the numbers or not... don't eat them! Here's a site for you go to where you can read all about what these do to you... it's really unsettling.

After I threw out the Lindt Orange pillows, and went back to my ordinary chocolate, I was fine within 48 hours. I started eating better, sleeping better and not feeling so sick in the guts. Now, all I want to do is catch up on my sleep... I've lost about 3 nights' worth. 

Ghosting

I've been out in the dating pool again... yep, it's been difficult for me to get out there and start trusting people after so long, but I'm doing it.

I'm in it for happiness, for the company of another human being... to connect with somebody else. Is that so bad? Well, I didn't think so.

And so, I connected with somebody, and we met up away from my place at first. We got along really well - had so many things in common. Both of us loved to read, home-cooked meals and enjoyed just talking about everything. We both loved retro things as well... it was great!

After three dates, I thought we were going to head out somewhere once we got into a rhythm of hanging out. But I guess it wasn't meant to happen... after all, this person just vanished into thin air on me.

This person did what is commonly called 'ghosting'. It's the gutless way of getting out of dating somebody you've grown away from. It's disappearing from a person's life completely. What you do - if you're going to be the complete arsehole about this - is unfriend them stop all communications; but do it gradually. Tell the person trying to keep the lines of communications open some useless detail about your life that has nothing to do with what's going on with your dating life - like what I received: 'I'm doing a deep oil treatment'. Exactly what that's got to do with anything I'm not sure. I asked if I had done anything wrong, and I got that as a last message. For a week, I had absolutely zero clue that I was being dumped by some gutless person who was ghosting on me.
Then the next thing you do is unfriend that person you were dating from Facebook... but do it at a time of the day you know they won't be on there for a while, so they won't notice for about week that you're gone from there, not until they don't see your posts and haven't seen your name up on their Friends list for a while. It took me about a week or so to figure out this person had ghosted on me, because one of my friends on Facebook told me about it; then I started Googling and found out it's a real thing.

Exactly how gutless do you have to be to not want to sit down and talk to somebody about where you see - or don't see - the relationship going. No matter how hard it is, you have to actually face reality and do this at some point in your life and not run away from people, disappearing from their lives, when things get too hard or heavy, or when the relationship isn't going where you were thinking it might be.

I was brought up to have the heart-to-heart with people and let them know what I'm thinking - in person - and respect them enough to keep them in the loop of knowing my life isn't going in the same direction as theirs. But when someone is being an arsehole and does this to me, I wonder exactly how much they really respect me... how they were brought up and wonder who they've done this before? I mean, surely I'm not the only person this person has done it to, right?

And if 'ghosting' is the 'in' thing to do to people during dating, what are we showing our next generation of kids? That's it's okay to vanish from a person's life and disrespect them by not telling them there's a problem in the relationship? Is this where the world is going? Are our kids going to just dump people by 'switching off' and 'ghosting' on everyone they don't like because it's convenient and easy? If so, our world isn't going to be an easy one for them. We must teach them how to face up to people, talk and communicate properly and learn that there's consequences to their actions - and ghosting on people isn't the absolute and right solution to social problems in life. Talking it out is - and has always been - the right way of dealing with people... well, that's how I was taught by my parents.

Ice

I'd like to talk about something which is ruining lives everywhere; and I have found has touched my life in the past year, and has pissed me off to no end because of how I've found out about its affects on my life, and the family of a close friend.

Last year, I sent out Christmas Cards to everyone I normally sent them to - and received cards in return. However, there was one person who I didn't receive a card from. Now, I have been concerned about her for over a year, and have been trying to track her down since Christmas 2015 without success. Her parents were the ones who informed me that she wasn't ill from Cancer or any other sickness; but it was a drug she had gotten hooked on - yet they wouldn't tell me which one.

Another friend of mine, who I've known within my unit complex, and I had dinner one night before he moved to New Zealand; and we got talking about my friend. He asked me to tell him about what's been going on, and he shook his head, saying that he's dumped a lot of his friends because they've been hooked on ice. And he's sad to tell me that it sounds like my friend is also another victim to this dreadful drug.

He told me that I will never hear from her again.

Today, after weeks of trying not to think about it, it suddenly hit me: I will never, ever see my friend again. I had just finished with my shower, dressed and done my hair and stopped. I don't know how long I cried for, but this thought has shattered my heart. I went to high school with her. I remember watching her three boys grow up from babies. I remember when she told me of her first pregnancy... that I was one of the first people to know about it. 

And now? I feel as though I've lost a precious gem at some point, but I don't remember when.

I have tried calling her. I have been to her house. But she won't take my calls and she won't let me into her house. It's a big thing I feel as though she's kept a huge secret from me when I've been open and honest about everything to her my whole life. I've always asked if she wanted me to drop around and we'd catch up and talk - but she's always said no. And the more she said no, the more I have wondered why; and the more I asked her why she didn't want me around, the less she talked.

So, if you have found friends or family members are acting like this, please find them help. They will not ask for it, because it's something they won't be able to do. It's something the drug takes away from them. I have lost a close friend, and it hurts like hell... 

Horrible Week

I've had the worst week around. 

On Monday, I went okay at my Craft Group - as our class was put on hold for that day - so we could do our own thing. This is good, as I worked on my own stuff and looked at clothes from a shopping trolley, scoring well! 

Tuesday was a busy day at my folks' house. I returned home, unpacked the car, locked it up and left it alone. The next day, I found my car had been broken into! OMG! I felt so violated that I thought I was going to be sick. After calling the police to report it, they said they'd get the fingerprint people out and gave me a QP number. Yesterday, they came out around 9am and fingerprinted my car, apologising for the hold up on how long it took them to get to me. I said it was okay - seeing how they had their hands full from the investigation going on with the teenaged girl at Marsden. Anyway, the policewoman got what she needed, photographed everything and left after filling out her report. 

I could finally go out and do some much-needed shopping at the Rochedale Fruit'n'Veggie Market and other things I needed to do as well. I'm glad I did because I really needed to get away from the house. 

Yesterday afternoon, I hung out with my neighbours and we talked about what happened and they said that they'd be more aware about what goes on around here... and said it was weird that my place was picked. I said I was told if the car hadn't been accidentally unlocked - and was locked up - they would have broken a window to get in. But as it is, they found nothing of value and won't come back to it as my car is 'worthless' in their eyes.

Anyway, this is the reason why I haven't been posting here lately. I've been really wrung out and stressed. I'm getting there, but still feel tired and really need to catch up with my sleep (yeah, not sleeping well still either). Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Creatively Wonderful Things ...

The internet is a wonderful thing, isn't it? 

Well, okay, it depends on how you look at it.

I've found some great things to do with left over milk bottles and drinking bottles you can easily make without too much - well, a bit of glue, a little paint and a drill and string and it's all done.  I'm thinking of looking into working on something tomorrow. 

Here's the link I was looking at:

Recycling Your Unwanted Bottles

I Can't Believe It!

Okay!  I'll start with last Sunday... yep, a whole 7 days ago.  

I thought to do some work on my craft stuff and was waiting for some paint to dry when I took a break and went out into my garden, snapped off a piece of Malaysian Radium Weed and applied the sap to a BCC on my left arm.  This thing had been on my arm next to my watch for over a decade and it wasn't doing anything much - just becoming rough, itchy and a little problem to me.  So, seeing I had a plant in my yard which my friends had been praising cured skin cancers, I thought to give it a try.

Why not?  What did I have to lose?

Nothing... right?

Yep... so I dabbed it on and went back inside.  I did it again later that day before dinner and started dinner as it began to get cold.  

Later that night, I felt as though I wanted to scratch my arm off!  This was the sap taking affect on my arm... damn it was itchy!  But I remembered Anne telling me to not scratch it, and to leave it alone.  So, I did.  

The next day, I went off to craft group, leaving my arm free from my sleeves and dabbing on more of the sap in the morning and just before I left to go to craft group.  Well, it bugged me even more!  Anne told me it was looking good, and she said it'll work within the week or so, that the skin will just fall off and it'll be pink underneath; that there's going to be brand new skin underneath it all.

So, I watched it each day and saw it get all bubbly and messy.  And did it itch!  I didn't scratch it - even though I wanted to.  Today, it looked very dried up and ready to come off, but I left it alone.  And tonight, about half an hour ago, I bumped it and the scab of it peeled off nice and easy.  Sure enough - just as Anne told me - the skin is nice and smooth underneath and it's pink, new skin!  Very cool!  

I'm amazed and wouldn't have believed this worked unless it actually worked on me... and it has!  Just simply amazing and a much better and simpler way of treating these skin cancers than burning them off... but that doesn't mean you don't go to the doctor.  It also doesn't mean I'm not going either to get this checked out; which I will in a few days' time, just to make sure it's all gone.  Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

A Day In the Life...

For those who don't know what it's like to have a medical condition and medication every day, I thought to write a post about it.  

6am - First alarm goes off.  It's time for my Epilum.  Grab the phone, turn off the alarm, take my purple pill, go back to sleep.

7am - Second alarm goes off.  It's time for my Topamax.  The sun is just peaking over the roofs of my neighbours and it's cold.  Turn off my alarm take my pill and doze until 7:30am.

7:30am - Third alarm goes off and I turn that off and take my Tegritol.  The neighbourhood Islamic kids run off to school past my house talking to each other.  I wait another half hour before I get up.

8:15am - I get up, strip the bed, get dressed in my painting gear and take the laundry downstairs with my phone, glasses and anything else I remember to take in the laundry basket and put on the first load of laundry - the sheets - then put on some porridge for breakfast.  After the pot is on the stove, I open all the curtains and let in the sunlight for the day.

10:45am - all the laundry is finished.  I've washed up a fair bit of stuff, put away the Dutch Oven from last night and scrubbed the wooden board I usually use every day and it's sitting on the back of the stove drying out.  
I've taken photos of my newest line of products as I go.  There's a few new pegs I painted up last night with cracking medium and put two totally opposite colours together - and they worked! - then there were the two coathangers I hoped worked; and they did!

11:30am - I've been online for a bit now.  I've checked my e-mail, talked online with a friend and uploaded a photo on to 365Project (a photographic site where you put up a photo of something you do each day - it goes over a year - but I've been doing mine for 4 years now).  Anyway, I've take a photo of my Dutch Oven I bought years ago in Epsom, Victoria as it's a cool little thing, and put it up there.

1pm - I'm back at my craft table.  I have to get working on some normal pegs again.  There's plenty of cracked decor stuff to start the new line of products, now to keep going with the other lines I already have going.  It's good to know I have so much work to keep me busy for this month's markets.  Over the next hour or so, I get in and paint as much as I can, then I put out the rubbish and the recycling in the big bin at the back of the complex, and finally, I get myself out the front - where the sun is nice and warm - and get my nose into a book for the first time in a few weeks.  

3pm - Jeez I'm hungry!  First check the laundry... yep, most of it's dry.  Pull in the sheets and anything else that's dry and leave the rest for the sun to get until 4pm.
I take the sheets upstairs and make up the bed - moving the glory box first - and then put away any clothes that need it.  

4pm - make a pizza dough and put a towel over the bowl.  Set my iPod timer for an hour and pull in the rest of the laundry - it's still a little damp - so I pull out the large clothes horse and hang up the rest of the stuff overnight; it should be dry by tomorrow.

5pm - the timer goes off, I have all the ingredients ready for the pizza and oven turned on and ready for it too!  The television is on and the curtains have been drawn for around 45 minutes now to keep in the warmth from the day.  

6pm - time for my Epilum... I take it just as Family Feud starts and I'm sitting on my lounge eating my dessert of kiwi fruit, grapes and yoghurt and a little bit of dark chocolate.  I've made myself a nice pot of green tea too.  

7pm - time for my Topamax... Neighbours has just finished and I'm putting on a dvd of one of the seasons of 'Supernatural' as I pick up my sewing.  I'm making a hand-stitched piece for the Secret Santa deal at my craft group... it's a Tie Cushion... it's a whole lot of men's ties all tied up and stitched on to a large cushion and then their stitched to each other side to side and at their bottoms (so it gives) and then you use it as a proper cushion once the stuffing is put back in.  It's very cool... and almost finished. 

7:30pm - time for my Tegritol... sometimes I miss this by around 15 minutes, but not by long as I feel its affects pretty quick if I do.  I take this and drink my tea as I stitch more. 

9:40pm - the 4 episodes of 'Supernatural' are finished.  I've finished stitching up one tie and started on another and I'm tired.  I put away the dvd and turn off the television.

Sometimes I'll finish off the washing up, sit on the computer for an hour or so, or just head off to bed and read before turning out the light.  But I do have days where it's more busy and I'm out in the car - like my grocery days - but this is my average day at home where I do my craft work for a good part of the day and have a lot of waiting around to do for things to dry.

My medical condition hasn't always been this easy to control or medicate.  It took over a decade of tests, doctors and traveling to Melbourne and back to Brisbane to find the right doctors to get me into the right medications to finally set my Epilepsy right.  i was born with this disease (it used to be a medical condition; but has, in recent years, upgraded to a disease because of what it does to the human brain over time) and we found out over the last few years that my Epilepsy is genetic as well.  This is the reason why I don't have children.  Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Definitely Safer Now....

Yesterday, I thought, I had somebody around here trying to get in my house.  However when the locksmith came out to look at my place, he said that it was door handles themselves that were had it; the locks were okay.

So, he changed over all the handles, fixed it all up and made sure it all worked.  It cost a fair bit but it's worth it to keep a house safe now, than to ignore the fact the handles aren't working.  
Yes, I freaked out, but then when you live alone, you kinda do when this sort of thing happens.  And my place isn't newly built... it's an old building with old things inside it which need replacing bit by bit.  So, this was one of the bits, okay, that was something that was supposed to be years ago and didn't get done.

Isn't it strange when you live in a house - not matter whether your renting or not - how much doesn't get done around the place.  There will be so much of the place where it'll just be left until it's falling apart before you suddenly have to get it fixed up.  And when you finally have to, it's either too late to fix it as it is, or you have to somebody out to replace it completely - which is more expensive than it initially would have been.

Well, it seems there was nobody trying to get into my place... it was my doors just falling apart.  They no longer worked and needed fixing - and getting them fixed was very expensive too.  Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Help Me Help The Orangutans

I'll give you the truth.  I'm not a big fan of monkeys - really I don't like them as they kind of creep me out.  But today, I saw a very upsetting image of an Orangutan who had been run over or burned or... I don't know what happened to it but the poor thing had skin off it and it was bleeding.  People were helping it, but they were too late by this time, this animal was in so much pain it did something so very... human.  This animal covered its face with its hand and curled up on its side - just like we would if we were hurt this badly.

I think you all know which image I'm talking about.  

However, I can't find it anymore and so, I'm kinda stuck.  But this image hasn't left my mind all day.  And this event happening to this one Orangutan has gotten me thinking about exactly what we consume that has Palm Oil in it.

In case you've been living under a rock over the last two years, Palm Oil is in almost everything we eat, from ice cream to hot cross buns to chocolate (yep, I'm not kidding with that last one).  I have gotten into the habit of reading absolutely everything I want to eat to make sure it doesn't have this ingredient in it.

But I'm just one person, aren't I? 
And what am I going to achieve for just not buying that little bit of crap I'm skipping out on each fortnight?  
Nothing.
Zip.
Zero.

Those animals who rely on the Palm Oil in their lives are still going to be run over, burned and left for dead by the people who harvest their food just so us consumers can live a cushy life and eat well - right?

So, this is what I'm proposing we do - especially seeing Easter is coming up:

Don't buy chocolate or Hot Cross Buns or anything like this for anyone for Easter.  Now before you start screaming at the screen, I have an alternative... it's not food... it's nothing to do with eating.

Go out to your local nursery and buy a plant, potting mix and a pot and pot up the plant and give it to your family.  This is their Easter present from you to them.  
Not only does it give back to your country's economy, what you're going to do this Easter is:

* Help the enviroment in a big way.
* Make sure your garden gets a boost in birds, bees and other animals and critters too.
* You won't gain that Easter weight from eating all the Palm Oil from the chocolate and crap you'd usually eat.

I'm going to do this for my family.  Are you?  Just think of it as helping yourself as well - this will be something you can watch grow as the years pass by, you can also keep up this little thing of giving plants at Easter instead of chocolate and score yourself a pretty little garden in around 5 years time... 

Now, wouldn't you rather a lovely garden than Orangutans going extinct?  And if this doesn't convince you, here's something I found that I think will: 

Help an Orangutan This Easter 

Respect

This morning, I heard on the news on Triple M about two teenaged girls who boarded a Gold Coast bus yesterday and they physically and verbally abused an elderly blind Aboriginal man.  Until tonight, I hadn't seen the footage - and it brought me to tears.

What happened to this man was horrible; and he wasn't the only one who was abused.  On the video uploaded online, a woman with a pram was called names as well and she was cursed at by these teenagers.  The passengers on board were shocked at their behavior and the visually impaired man tried to fight off their abuse, but was overpowered by them.

This is disgusting!

I don't give a rat's arse who gets on a bus - and I've caught plenty of buses in my years of not driving a car - but having a bit of integrity and dignity about yourself is one of those things that everyone is expected to have.  Abusing fellow passengers is not.  You don't go around abusing the crap out of other people - I don't care who you are, how drunk you are, where you've been, how you're dressed or anything else about you... you could be a Hollywood legend on the Silver Screen and if you insulted me, I'd tell you where to get off; simply because you don't have the right to insult me.

These girls have been caught since and charged because the visually impaired man pressed charges against them.  And you know, I think that the more young people take responsibility for their actions in their lives, the better human beings they'll grow into.  

Now, I rebelled when I was younger - but I never ever did this kind of bullcrap.  I don't have a criminal record, have never been arrested for anything and never got into any fights with anyone.  Sure, I got close, I was usually standing up for myself or somebody else - and that takes courage.  That was something the people on the bus had - to push the girls off the bus and keep that elderly gentleman safe until they could get him some help.

And the name of the game here folks is respect... pure and simple.  If you don't respect others, how are you going to receive respect from them?  You don't demand it - you earn it.  That's how my family taught me.  Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Is It Christmas?

For me, it's not yet.  I haven't got the tree up, I haven't sent out Christmas Cards... I just don't really feel like it's here yet.  I'm not sure why, but I just don't feel as though I'm in the right mood for it yet.

Since my little bird died, I haven't really wanted to be happy about Christmas; and do you really blame me?  I mean, my poor little bird died only 3 weeks before it and I had presents signed from her.  
So this year, I'm not sure where this leaves me.  I'm happy that I've moved on, but I'm also sad she's not here to enjoy the time with me.  I know some people will tell me to move on and that she's only a bird.  But the bond we had was really strong; and that we shared something special.  My little bird had such trust in me that I could open her wings, check her feet and pet her so gently she'd fall asleep in my hands while I watched television at night... now that was trust; total trust.  She got to a point where if I kissed her beak, she never bit me, she just let me and nibbled my nose gently in return.  Such a sweetheart.
I know it's good to remember the good times about her, but it's hard to live without a pet when you live alone. 

Now, over the last year, you've all seen me work on getting on with my life... and on my health too.  I have hoped to try to move on through this Christmas Season without thinking of my departed little bird, but I haven't.  
Mum actually suggested putting her cage away soon... but it's not yet a year.  I know where I'll put it and hope to use it again for my next bird in a few years' time.  However, it's always difficult to lose a pet near this time of year; as you always remember them at this time then... and it takes time to get yourself back into what Christmas is all about.  Until my next post, take care, keep safe and warm and remember, I'm always here. 

The Devil's In the Details

In a week's time, I'll be attending the Creative Markets at Springwood Road State School here in Logan City.  My stall will be called Lynda's Crafty Pegs.  I'm so happy, tired, sleepless and broke... but I'm glad to be doing this as it's a new experience.  However, I have been told that it's the first market stall that does send you a little broke to start with - and the setting-up costs that does that to you as well.  And once you've got all that set-up costs out of the way, you can work out anything else you need to do afterwards.

Well, now, it's the devilishly details stuff.  I have a few more pegs to get done, the last varnishing session and wrappings to do on Tuesday.  Wednesday is my grocery shopping day and then on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I'm going to be doing nothing... absolutely no Crafty Pegs stuff, so I'm not exhausted.  But that doesn't mean I won't be doing something on those days.

On Thursday I'll probably get some much-needed housework done around here.  Yeah, I've been washign up, doing a little laundry here and there, but I really need to get some major cleaning up done around here; as it's been ignored of late.
On Friday, I'll be out of here early with Mum to go to the hair dressers to have my hair looked at... well, I know it's a lovely long bit of hair, but I really do enjoy having it done the way I did last year - all flipped and wavy in the 1970's style.  And I'll also be doing it to have myself look nice and neat for the markets too.
Saturday is the day where I'll pack the car with everything I need to take to the market.  This means I'll have the car competely emptied out of boxes, bags and anything else in there - except what will be needed.  This also means I'll be getting a few things to tie things down and together while I'm out shopping on Wednesday so nothing slides around and damages the car interior.  

Next Sunday morning, I'll be at the school before 7am... yeah, that early... to set up my stall.  I'm hoping to have my Aunty Helen help me out at the stall that day for the few hours and then help me out packing up too.  Otherwise, if she can't, I'll be okay on my own with a two-wheel trolley (which I'll nab from Dad for the weekend).  

Yep, the devil's in the details this week. And I have to get everything right.  Dad's worried that I've spent too much money on this Crafty Pegs business venture, but I have said to him that it's the setting up of anybusiness that usually costs the most; then after around a year, it usually starts to pay itself off bit by bit.  Well, until my next post, take care, keep safe and warm and remember, I'm always here.

Are We Over-Scheduling Our Kids?

I was out at a birthday party last night with family when I noticed my niece wasn't her usual bubbly, social self.  Being her Aunt, I tend to notice when she's not happy and bummed out about things and won't say anything to anyone.  When she sat down and separated herself from the crowd, I knew something was bothering her badly... so I joined her and asked if she was okay.

She's a teenager, so I got a shrug and the excuse that she was tired out of her... until I pushed a little and she told me what was on her mind.  There were assignments she hadn't been able to get all the notes for - and couldn't get all the notes for from anyone because that was considered cheating.  She felt like she was going to fail Maths and English and she believed that her school band going interstate for a week set her badly behind in everything.  All of this has caused her to think she's going to be a failure... and in year 9, she's making it tough on herself about her grades.
I didn't know what to say to her as I remember when I was in high school, if you missed a few days, the teachers would give you the notes you missed out on, or let you in on what you missed and you grabbed the notes off a nerd/geek in your class.  However, nowadays, you can't do that.  It's not right... big things have changed in the school system and it's causing kids to have a tougher time to get things completed, to feel as though they can't sort out their own lives on their own.

The bigger picture of this is that teenagers aren't supposed to be able to!  They're still growing.  They're still wondering what's going on in their bodies.  They want to know who likes them at school and who doesn't... they shouldn't have so much stress on them that they have a nervous breakdown about failing whole subjects before their high school life has even gone halfway through!  I don't get it... I really don't.
I hated seeing my niece so sad, angry and wishing she didn't have so much on her plate at the age of 14, the but she does.  Not even I had that much on my plate, not until I was in my senior years of high school, and I still didn't make it through high school with the most perfect grades.  

So, are we over-scheduling our children?  Do we expect too much from them?  Are schools and teachers making them grow up way too fast all because they want them to do better, act better and just don't want them asking too many questions or... is this just me thinking on this subject too much?  I have noticed this about kids and teenagers over the last few years and I'm not happy with it. 

Please, share your thoughts about what you think of the education system.  Is it right to place this much pressure on our young teengers today when they should be having more fun and learning at their own rates - like we did when we were younger?  Or am I over thinking this?  Until my next post, take care, keep safe and warm and remember, I'm always here.

A Day Off From Cleaning

It's been a very busy couple of days.  So far, I've cleaned out my bedroom and the home office; quite successfully too.  And today, I'm at my folks' house to stay the night and put out their bins and attend my craft day tomorrow with the ladies up the road.

But while I was getting some fresh food at Arndale Shopping Centre down the road, I dropped by Sam's Warehouse to see what they had in the way of storage containers - as I need one for the office for some books - and found a good one with wheels on it for $9.99.  Not a bad deal if you ask me.  So, I bought that and brought it home in the back seat after I bought some essentials at Coles.

It's been cold today and I don't think it's going to get any warmer... so I'm all rugged up and nice and warm.  The television is staying off until I really need it and so is the stereo as I really don't feel like listening to anything at the moment... the silence will help me write and edit more later on in the night; something I haven't been doing lately is my writing.

Anyway, yesterday was a big day out at the Logan Art Gallery where it was a family day marking 150 years of history of settlement of the Samoans and South Pacific Islanders here in Australia.  The Queensland Archives were there to show people where they could find their family history and were handing out retro type badges, fridge magnets and bookmarks as well as information and other great things about the day.  By 5pm, we had around 300 people walk through our doors... and the day before we had around the same number.
There was music, food and art outside and all kinds of people from everywhere came and had fun.  Being an alcohol-free zone didn't make it any less interesting, but we all enjoyed ourselves.  When I arrived, I was invited to paint my hands onto a sail that was laid out on a table... and so I rolled paint onto my hands and planted them onto it; and at the end of the day, it was hung up in the third gallery for everyone to see.  How cool is that?
By 4pm, everything was closed up, put away and everyone was off home before 5pm.  They were wonderful and helpful and the lawn out the front of the Logan Art Gallery was clean and tidy and we were almost ready to head off home ourselves.  I had fun being at the desk and being able to talk to everyone there; as well as walk around the exhibition when I wanted.  But it was also exhausting too.  
So, I came home, made a pizza dough and waited out the hour for it to rise at a neighbour's house with a drink or two.  We had a few laughs while they cooked their dinner and then I was off home to chop up the ingredients to put on my dinner.  Before long, my dinner was ready and I ate it all and it was getting on in the night.  What a long day!

Today?  I washed up, put out the rubbish, did a load of towels to hang up on the clothes horse and then I packed and arrived here at my parents' house for a day or so and then I'll be back home again by tomorrow afternoon.  I've had to throw out some things - but not much - and replace some food too for dinner tonight.  However, I'm going well here.  Until my next post, take care, keep safe and warm (or cool) and remember, I'm always here.

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Yeah, this week has been so busy, I just had to say it three times... heheh... just kidding.  Well, it has been really horribly busy; so much so I have barely had time to myself to do anything by crash after finishing some computer work at some ungodly hour while everyone else around my in their own units/townhouses have intelligently gone to bed!  For me, this week has been a really, very busy week; and honestly, I don't know how I'm making it through... adrenaline? Maybe, maybe not.  I'm just hoping I don't crash and burn out next week... dreadful stuff that... been there done that; never again.

Okay, let's cover what I've done this week and see what else needs to be done to finish the week off!  Then, let's see if I got in and did it all?  Now, that'll be a really good end to the week, won't it?  

On Monday, I was off to my craft day from Mum and Dad's place.  Okay, this was my only 3 hours of relaxation I had this week.  By the end of me sitting there painting, I had mostly completed a small painting of a flower I took a photo of, then printed up on Dad's printer (sorry Dad, I needed something to copy off!).  
That afternoon, I was doing a Writing Race I take part in on Facebook for another 3 hours!  I did take a 20 minute break in there somewhere to get a snack and a drink.  Otherwise, I was busily writing away and editing my books and stories. Phew!  And was that exhausting.  
The next afternoon, I arrived home and sorted out what needed to be done for my shopping day the next day.  Then, yesterday, I went out shopping later than usual as it was cold and drizzly... I took my time and did everything I needed and bought what I wanted and needed and found my way home.  A mere hour after I arrived home, it poured rain!  How fortunate was that!
But all day, I was hearing about the murder that had occurred on streets away from where I was shopping.  It was horrible to be walking and socialising in the area where this terrible, pointless crime (but then when does crime have a point?) occurred.  When the rain poured down, I looked outside and hoped the crime scene hadn't been destroyed in any way.
Yesterday afternoon, after unpacking all my gear from shopping and putting it all away, I grabbed Season 6 of 'Supernatural' I got off layby and eagerly began preparations for a night of watching the first disk of the 22 episodes.  However, I was in for a big surprise when I found the box had locked me out!  Damn!  After calling 'Woodys' I found out I had to take it back and they'd unlock it for me.  I was bummed, disappointed and really wanted to watch it; but couldn't, not last night anyway.

Today, I was up by 8am, grabbed my laundry, a new bag, scarf and beanie and was dressed by 8:30am and ready to head out the door by 9:30am to catch the bus at 9:50am to Logan Central.  Two loads of laundry had been done and the fruit and veggie shopping had been done at The Big Apple down the road by this time; and so I left my blue trolley by the door and rushed out to catch the bus. 
I arrived home at around 1pm via the 545 to Garden City, with Season 6 of 'Supernatural' now unlocked thanks to Carol at 'Woodys' and then I walked through to the chemist and bought some vitamins and some make-up and then came home.  

Tomorrow, I have to put away my knitting gear I'm not currently using.  This is the big purple knitting box but not the bags which have half-finished work in them.  I also have to put away photographs, clear the lounge, put away clothes, throw out the newspapers from last week, tidy up the coffee table and then start to pack my bedroom up in preparations for cleaning it on Saturday morning.  I'm in for a busy couple of days of cleaning, tidying and packing.  The suitcases for the packing are out of the storage facility under my stairs, and so I can get it all done quickly and easily.  Now, it's a matter of figuring out what to do with the sewing machine; whether to sell it or fix it up and keep it as a working machine (as it's not electric).

So, what have you got planned for the rest of the week?  As you can see, my week is terribly busy and it's not yet over; and my weekend is horribly busy too.  Until my next post, take care, keep safe and warm and remember, I'm always here.