It's just hit the three month mark since my dear friend passed away; and I'm seriously struggling with her death. I really miss her being in my life - even though she lived so far from me.
But it's the little things which really bug me and cause me to remember her when I least expect them to; the tiny little memories of her which come out of the woodwork when I'm minding my own business and doing other things which have nothing to do with her, which cause me to remember her the most.
I get this feeling of dread come over me when I'm reminded that she's no longer with us, in this realm... on planet Earth. This is a horrible feeling to have; and I wish it would go away. But I know it will take time.
At first I was numb and felt as though my world had caved in on itself - and this is normal. I mean, Hannah had killed herself. This isn't the Natural Order of things, which is something I believe in, and I feel as though Hannah has gone against this completely. I still think what she's done is wrong, even though her pain would have been impossible to live with for her.
So, positive actions must be taken on my part to make this all work out, to help me get through my grief. And so, what I've been doing is fixing up my backyard and making it into something I can be happy with, making it grow into a lovely, private thing to live in.
The next thing I've thought to do is to join a gym and get myself fit and healthy. Seeing I'm relatively healthy with what I eat, and am sleeping okay for now, I'd like to be physically healthy as well. So, that's something I've been looking into lately. And over the past week, I've joined a gym on a trial membership to see how I go with it over the next month. I think I'm going to like it there... sure it'll be hard, but that's what life is: a challenge.
There are other future plans for me to get into as well. I have the War On Waste Challenge - which has returned for another season on the ABC; and once the garden is all fixed up, I'll be right into my decluttering again and looking at only what I need in the house. Being focused through the gym will help me with that - a lot of things will be leaving my house and I'll be ready to move away from here at some point in the future.
These are positive actions which are going to help me with my life. It's true that I hate what has happened in the past 3 months - losing a wonderful friend like Hannah to suicide is the worse thing I'd ever though would happen to me - but I must move on and get myself healthy, keep my mind on track and make sure I'm don't let depression rule my life. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.
But it's the little things which really bug me and cause me to remember her when I least expect them to; the tiny little memories of her which come out of the woodwork when I'm minding my own business and doing other things which have nothing to do with her, which cause me to remember her the most.
I get this feeling of dread come over me when I'm reminded that she's no longer with us, in this realm... on planet Earth. This is a horrible feeling to have; and I wish it would go away. But I know it will take time.
At first I was numb and felt as though my world had caved in on itself - and this is normal. I mean, Hannah had killed herself. This isn't the Natural Order of things, which is something I believe in, and I feel as though Hannah has gone against this completely. I still think what she's done is wrong, even though her pain would have been impossible to live with for her.
So, positive actions must be taken on my part to make this all work out, to help me get through my grief. And so, what I've been doing is fixing up my backyard and making it into something I can be happy with, making it grow into a lovely, private thing to live in.
The next thing I've thought to do is to join a gym and get myself fit and healthy. Seeing I'm relatively healthy with what I eat, and am sleeping okay for now, I'd like to be physically healthy as well. So, that's something I've been looking into lately. And over the past week, I've joined a gym on a trial membership to see how I go with it over the next month. I think I'm going to like it there... sure it'll be hard, but that's what life is: a challenge.
There are other future plans for me to get into as well. I have the War On Waste Challenge - which has returned for another season on the ABC; and once the garden is all fixed up, I'll be right into my decluttering again and looking at only what I need in the house. Being focused through the gym will help me with that - a lot of things will be leaving my house and I'll be ready to move away from here at some point in the future.
These are positive actions which are going to help me with my life. It's true that I hate what has happened in the past 3 months - losing a wonderful friend like Hannah to suicide is the worse thing I'd ever though would happen to me - but I must move on and get myself healthy, keep my mind on track and make sure I'm don't let depression rule my life. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.
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