Sunday, May 31, 2015

Sleepless In Logan

Yep, you read right... I am having a huge bout of insomnia, and I hate it.

I'm okay during the day. I'm eating well, doing all my normal things, but when night falls, I just can't sleep well.

I'm not drinking too much caffeine or sugar before bed. Nor am I doing anything too much that'll keep me awake either... I'm not really sure what's going on, but I really hope I can get back to my normal sleeping patterns before too long.

Honestly I think it started a few days ago when my Reading Chair didn't show up on the day it was supposed to. I had rung the place and asked them when to expect its delivery and they told its work hadn't even been started yet. 

I was so disappointed! I was told that it was to be delivered to the upholstery place by last Thursday so they'd get working on it the next day... then it would be ready for me the following Friday (29th, May). But when I called up, they said the job had been moved to this coming week. I explained what I had been told and the man said he was really sorry and that he'd put my chair ahead of the next job; that it wasn't right that I was kept waiting for an extra week.

This was the first night I couldn't sleep... I think it was because I really wanted my chair here at home. I know that sounds silly to be so possessive about a chair, but I worked really hard on it to make it look wonderful. And now, it's being held up at the upholsterers because of a jobsheet. Well, that just shits me off... excuse my language, but it does.

Anyway, this month, I've been cleaning out the home office, knitting bigger dishcloths, madly finding more crochet yarn and doing commission work as well. I also have had a reading slump which feels more like a decade-long drought! I have only read three books this year - three! I'm usually onto my eighth or ninth book... not my third. And as for my writing?  Well, it sucks.  There's no new books.  I finished 'Fry Nelson' and 'Angel Love' in December and .. well... that's been it, no more ideas since. That sucks too.

So, when I found the chair, I was happy.  I'm also working on other things to fix up too.  But with this week a bust - as it's a week before the markets, shopping week and me organising what needs to be taken to the markets and what stays home - nothing will be done in the way of working on the wash table or magazine rack I found for the office.

Yes, this month has been busy.  I'm not sleeping well, but I'm eating okay.  I'm not writing or reading much, but I'm buying books (how's that for irony!) and yet life still goes on... and my office remains tidy.  Now, that's an accomplishment within itself, don't you think?  Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here. 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

A Week In Waiting

I'm in a week of waiting.

Waiting takes time... a lot of time...

And I'm not a very patient person at the best of times.

So, when I have to wait for something, I do constructive things.

This week, I've cleaned out the office - that took 2 days - it's not quite finished, but it's close.  Then, I Preened the carpet... and it's looking great!

Then, there was the wheelie bin... it was filled to top! So, I might get in and do more stuff out in the living room while I'm in the cleaning mood.

While I was out and about yesterday picking up medication and dropping off things around the ridges, I found an old late-70's magazine rack.  It wasn't in bad shape, so I bought it. Today, I started sanding off the bits that were really worn down so I can stain it and work on it next week.

Then, when I ran out of the bits of sandpaper I used today (as my other sandpaper is at Mum and Dad's place; yeah I forgot to bring home a huge roll of sandpaper for my work), I stood at my workbench and painted up some pegs, working on them one at a time.

I got two finished and moved to a varnishing section... not bad if I do say so.

By then, it was around 2pm... only 2pm!  I went outside to read a book for a bit... but I found some mud wasps having some ideas to built another nest on a tree outside my window.  So, I got an idea:  I grabbed the WD40 and sprayed them and their nest.  They didn't like it, but they flew away long enough for me to clip the tree of anything they might build on; and besides, WD40 is just fish oil, it's not really that poisonous and won't harm my tree.

I read a bit more and went inside and began to knit more of a dishcloth I was working on... a big one... at around 2:45pm.  At 4pm, I organised something to eat and watched a bit of television while I worked and then thought it was time to get dinner under way at around 5pm... nachos! 

I've been knitting since around 7pm until 9:45pm, and I'm tired as hell. The kitchen needs a good cleaning tomorrow, so does the bathroom and toilets. I have laundry to get done and some more cleaning of the office... and I have yet to hear from the upholsterers about my chair.

I guess this just gives me time to get myself to clean out the house better... to have a week in waiting for something.

Have you ever had a week to have to wait for something and gotten more in a week done than you thought possible?  Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Hurtful Things

As a lot of you know, I have a disability - Epilepsy - which keeps me from doing a lot of things in life. 

Well, okay, not as much as you'd think, but enough to keep my social life kinda quiet, keeps me from getting a regular job and scares off anyone from being a boyfriend or girlfriend.

However, I have found people judge far too quick when it comes to people with disabilities; especially when those disabilities are known as 'invisible' - like mine.

I'm known as a high-functioning person with Epilepsy. This means I can live on my own, cook my own meals, go shopping without a Buddy (a person who helps me to day-to-day tasks), catch a bus by my self - or other public transport - and make most of my own decisions.  All of this can be done by me. 

However, I do have weaknesses.

I have comprehension problems. I can't fill out complex Government forms on my own. When I go to the doctors, I have to get them to tell me things three or four times (or better still write things down or print out information for me so I can take it home and read it) because I have rotten recall. And my mathematics is non-existent. I need a calculator for the most basic of maths; which drives me around the twist - especially seeing I love to knit and do craft and maths is part and parcel of this.

In recent times, I've had a neighbour get kinda picky about me. He's told me - in the nicest way - that I have far too much time on my hands and I should go out and get a job. I keep telling him that I've been down that road and I'm not able to be hired. He tries to fix that by telling me to go back to study; and I explain my attention span isn't good either. He tells me that I'm making excuses. 

But I'm not.

He simply doesn't understand people with disabilities - invisible disabilities - have to struggle with the way they live from day to day.  Just last night he gave me ear plugs, suggesting I use them the next time I want a decent night's sleep. I have said I have to wake to an alarm every day of my life to take medication, and he's suggested I skip it for the day.

People like this don't want to understand what it's like to walk in another's shoes.

They don't have anything wrong with them. They go to work, they live, they can drink alcohol, smoke pot, cigarettes and do anything they want.  However, suggest to them that they switch roles with another who is suffering from a disability and they'd clam up in a minute; because it scares them.

Even though a lot of people will say they don't stare at people with disabilities, and they help them and don't feel as though they just touched at leper - wanting to scrub their hands as soon as possible (don't tell me some of you don't feel like that) - it's a fact that people with disabilities feel as though they're being victimised by normal people. 

There's something a lot of people don't know about me.  I used to have that normal life. I worked that stressful job, had that cool little sports car... I had a lot of money... traveled the world... wanted the American Express Card... owned hot clothing and enjoyed being able to buy just about anything I wanted and I partied like there was no tomorrow.

I did that... and my disability I was born with came back on me like a tonne of bricks and ended my fun ride. 

So, before anyone looks at somebody with a disability and starts judging them, just think about that person. Think about what kind of life they might have had before their disability struck them down... or before they ended up in that wheelchair, on a walker, on a walking stick... deep down, that person may have had it all once....


Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Look Up From Your Phone

Living life in the now is harder than we think. There's blogs and posts and Facebook and 365Project - all on the net - and yet we have all these friends and people following our goings-on in our lives; only to find we're so lonely in reality.

When we turn off our computers, phones and iPads and look around our homes, they're often empty or filled with people who are our family; and yet they're complete strangers to us, simply because we don't communicate with each other in the old-fashioned ways.

In the times when of Wi-Fi and Broadband internet, I have found the world has become a much smaller place. Instead of sending a hand-written letter to somebody, we send an e-mail instead. A photograph is easily posted online for so many people to see - and for the most part, we never get to meet them, and some of them, we don't know who they are.

And then there's this short film/ballad I have seen do the rounds on the net, and it's come around again... and I wish to show it to you all. 

I grew up in a time where I'd spend most of my afternoons and weekends out with my neighbour's kids, running around and playing. We'd be on our bikes, climbing trees, playing soccer, swimming and going to the park up the road or skateboarding at the local shopping centre because it would be closed and car park would be empty.

Now, kids are sitting glued to their televisions playing games, to their computers, phones and other devices while their parents seem to think that this is what it takes to bring them up - just to stick a recently invented device in front of them and leave them to it while they themselves are addicted to the glowing screen.

I'm a writer and have become an addict to this screen.  However, it's because I'm a writer I have to change my work ethics to keep up with the times, to make sure I'm not left behind in this world of publishing.

Also in my life, I get in and do other things to keep myself active.  There's volunteer work, painting, gardening, cooking, craft and arts and I also love to refurbish old furniture.  When I do get away from the computer and the devices, my brain feels freer and I enjoy working with my hands more. There's a certain freedom to being able to be away from the new technology... and until you make sure you do this a few times a week, you don't realise how much you actually are addicted to it.  

So, here's the link to the ballad about it. I hope you look up from your devices in the next day or so and take in our world... because really, we're missing out on some pretty wonderful things out there.

Home Office Clean Out - Yet Again!

Now, how many times have I cleaned out the office here at home? Um... (counts on her fingers)... I don't keep track, but I know it's the one room which quickly turns into a junk room in my house.

Well, not anymore!

I have had the great fortune to have found a gorgeous chair in my unit complex and I'm currently fixing it up. It's taken me two days already, and three coats of stain, and the chair looks almost brand new.

Exactly why people throw out good furniture which only needs a touch-up of stain and a bit of polish is beyond me.  I saw its potential and loved the style of it - and have always wanted a chair just like this one in my home - and pounced on it immediately!

Now, the office is undergoing some very permanent changes. I've moved things around in the wardrobe so my vacuum cleaner, ladder and other things will fit completely (and yes, the doors close on it).  Around 15 handbags are destined to be given away at Vinnies, with a few going to some relatives, while another few are going to still find a home with me. I've emptied out two tiny milk crates and I'm happy to report I've rediscovered a piece of floor which hasn't been seen in around five years.

Five years!

Now, that's progress!

I also found a piece of artwork I made called 'Opening Night' which I have yet to hang on the walls here.  I'll have to find some more hooks for the walls here and hang it by the window hopefully... it ought to be good; as my office isn't only for books, it's also an art gallery for book-related art.  This will make this room very quirky and unusual, and this is what I want it to be.

I'm so happy this is happening the way I have been hoping.  It's been a busy day with a bit of work on the chair this morning, and work here at home this afternoon.  Dad's proud of me and how I'm dedicating myself to the chair; however, once that chair is finished - over the next few weeks - I'll be working on the bath table I've had at their place for the bedroom.  Once that's done, I'll bring that little thing home, set it up in my bedroom, get rid of the chair in there and put it where the chair used to be. It will be the first thing you see when you walk into my room by the window... it will set the feel of my room.

So, after this room is clean and tidy, and I have cleaned the carpet here properly, the chair will have returned.  Then, I'll return to my parent's house to work on the next thing that I've left there in the laundry to bring it home.  I have the jug and basin kit... and soon it will be all put together. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mother's Day

For many, Mother's Day is a day where their children and families celebrate being around them. They make them breakfast in bed, buy them presents, take them out to lunch or brunch and spend the day pampering their Mums.

Over the decades where I could have been a Mum, I have found it continuously difficult to see my years pass by and watch my other family members raise their children without feeling a pang of emptiness inside me.

Losing my two children before they were born was the hardest things I had to do. The first was a miscarriage; which wasn't my fault. The second one was an abortion, which was my decision.

Just last week, I was with Mum and told her I feel so sad not being able to have children.  It is a lonely thing to have to live with; and that having to make a decision like that when I was so young - in high school - just wasn't fair.  I knew there was a chance my Epilepsy was something I was going to pass on;and we already had another disease in the family too. So there went my chances of having anything normal.

As the years have passed and I've started my 40th year on this planet, my life plans and endeavours have taken different directions.  But I still would have love to have known what it would have been like to have children and family of my own to share it with; instead of being on my own.

Would my life have been better?

Would I have seen and experienced other things?

Would having a family have widened my world?

I can't answer those questions mainly because my world is already widened without any of those things in it; but it would be totally different had I found somebody, had I not had Epilepsy and spent a majority of my 20's struggling to stay alive while practically living in hospital emergency wards and trying out medications to control my disease.  In the meantime, my friends and family were getting married and having children over that time.

Since I've had my Epilepsy controlled in 2004, I have found getting close to anyone difficult.  Men find me too strange as a person and find my personality 'weird'... and I think it might be because I've been alone for so long and kept myself from letting people get to close.

However, now I am no longer allowed to have children, it kind of hits home more that all my friends' kids are growing up and going to school, making things for their Mum's and are just wonderful. The pang is still there in a way, however, I enjoy seeing the happiness in my family's eyes of their own kids growing up.

So, even though I don't have children - and yes, it does hurt not to have them - it doesn't mean I don't like them. It means I'm missing out on being the Mum all my friends and family have had the chance to be.  I guess I wasn't fated to be a Mum in this life.

Friday, May 8, 2015

Driving My Car

As with most activities I looked forward to doing when I grew up, I love to drive my car.  I truly adore the independence it gives me to go anywhere around the city I live in at anytime of the day or night and how safe I feel on the roads when I'm driving it.

That's a good thing to feel in your own car.


However, it's dreadful when other drivers on the road seem to think they either own the road or they don't know the road rules all that well.

Or they don't care.

I've been thinking seriously of getting a dash cam for my car... yeah, honestly I have.  I never had one in my last one, and now I'm back behind the wheel again, I'm hoping to get one.

This is mainly because there's been so many people who are such big idiots on the roads that I can't seem to believe what I see or experience out there.

Take today as a prime example of another driver being an absolute douchbag.  I was on my way to Garden City to get something exchanged (what that was isn't important to this story).  I was about to go under the highway - as I've done many times in my driving experience - when a white ute pulled out in front of me without indicating.  The driver didn't look over his shoulder - into his blind spot - to check to see if anyone was coming down that mostly-empty left-hand lane.  He just pulled out in front of me, causing me to slam on the brakes and blast the horn.

Man!  Did he get the surprise of his life to find my little green Astra right there!  He was less than 2 feet from hitting my car!  I screamed out my window that he was an arsehole, went around him and kept going as his mouth flapped open in shock.

The shock of how close my car came to being totalled didn't really hit me until I parked the car at Garden City and turned the engine off; and I began to shake a little and had a cry to myself that I had come within feet of having a major car accident with some dickhead who was swerving in and out of traffic without thinking.
It was then I jumped out of the car and really checked it over; making sure it was okay - and it was! But the last thing we need on our roads are people who just don't think.

It's not good to have passed your tests and get your car and have the fun time driving around.  You have to use your brain too.  

You have to be observant.

You have to think before you go.

You have to look before you let your car go.

It's just  a matter of common sense - and if you don't have that, well, you don't deserve to be on the roads.  After all, I remember well that my Dad told me many times that having a driver's license was a privilege and driving on our roads was not a right... we don't own the roads, we have to share them with others.  If you can't do that, you don't deserve to be on them. 

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Be Considerate

Be considerate to those around you who are less fortunate, because you may have something they don't.

Be considerate to the elderly. They have lived a life before your own and they can see where you're going in yours - even if you can't see your path as yet.

Be considerate to the people on the roads. I was always told that having the ability to drive a car was a privilege, not a right. And to act like a moron on the roads was to put not only yourself in danger, but also others who have done you no wrong.

Be considerate to yourself. Allow yourself to heal when you've been sick, cry when you've been hurt, hate a little when somebody has insulted you.  However, never hold a grudge as you'll only injure yourself in the long run.

Be considerate to your neighbours. You can't choose who you live next to or around, however you can be kind and caring to those you live near. Keep your noise levels low, make sure your lights don't interfere with their lifestyle and stay on their good side as much as possible - you never know when you'll need their help at some point in your life.

Be considerate to your family. They are who brought you up, made you who you are, helped you through everything you've ever experienced in life and will be there when you need them (hopefully). And when you need a shoulder to cry on, they are the ultimate support system.

Be considerate to your friends. This is when your family doesn't end with blood. Friends are the family you have chosen to come into your life. Sometimes friends are your family when your own blood relatives fail you; and they become your ultimate support system - and that's just as good as a family.

Be considerate to our planet. Leave this only home the way you want the next generation to leave it to the next generation.  Sure, technology is great, but we still want trees around, the oceans to be clean and animals to be around too. Work with Mother Nature, not against her.

Be considerate... 

Friday, May 1, 2015

A Lot of Rain

A lot of rain has been falling over Brisbane over the last 48 hours; and our cyclone season just finished yesterday... how ironic can ya get?

Well, yesterday, it wasn't so bad, so I hung around at Mum and Dad's house for a bit and then came home. 
While I was there, I worked on getting a few labels printed out and laminated.  Then, I wrapped up the dishcloths I had worked on over the last few months and put the labels inside them... they look so cute! Before long, I went home.
Today, I went there to pick up my camera and stayed for a few hours, and found it was becoming worse and worse over that time.  So, I decided to head on home around 4pm.

I've driven in this kind of weather before, and it's not pleasant... I find it kind of scary because you can't control what goes on around you, mainly because you can't see that much outside your car.

While driving along Compton Road, I kept my speed down and the headlights on. However, some idiot thought to speed along the right hand lane to get ahead.  They didn't think that splashing through the puddles on the road would affect anyone around him/her as they sped past all of us, but it did.  I had my window down a little so I could hear what was going on outside as they passed me and I copped a lot of water inside the car, all over my windscreen and on my bonnet... this caused me to brake as I wound up my window because I couldn't see where I was going.

Oh, the red car could.

Damned idiot!

Anyway, I got home safely and put the car away.

Not two hours later, I was outside in the rain pulling up the storm drain next to my house because my carport was filling with water.  Yep, there was that much water running through the place.

So, how are things at your place - if you live around Brisbane?  And if you're overseas, how's the weather where you are?  Until my next post, take care, stay safe, and remember, I'm always here.