I'm sorry. It's been a while, and I haven't written anything here. It's not because I haven't got anything to write - or say - I do.
It's because I'm not happy in myself and I don't really want to burden you all with it.
I hate depression. It really does get me down and I wish it would go away; and normally it does. However, this time it's sticking around longer than it usually does. And I know why.
I'm not happy with where I'm living. I've lived in the same place for almost 15 years and I really don't the space to do what I want to do around the townhouse. Every time I want to do any sewing, I have to move things off the kitchen table, open it up, pull down my sewing machine and do my sewing all in one day. Then after I'm finished, I have to put it all away so I can eat dinner at the same table.
If I want to paint, I have to do the same thing at the work bench. There's only so much room I have around me before I have to pull out another table, move the chair - and I can't get around the extra table to get to the toilet or outside. Then, when it's time to finish up, I have to pack every last thing away so I don't trip over it later that night.
There's simply no room for me to just leave my gear where it is and go into another room and let it all alone for a day or two.
Another room... now that's what I need... a 3rd bedroom so I can have a craft room where I can have all my things out and ready to use; where I don't have to put them away all the time, where I can just sit and sew or paint and draw or read art books and magazines. However, to have that 3rd room, I have to move out of the complex.
Herein lays the dilemma. I can't get out of here without a bank loan - which I'm unable to get from any bank; believe me I've tried. Nobody will lend me the money to buy a house off my own bat because I don't have collateral (which I'm still fuzzy on what that is exactly). I don't have any debt, no credit card, and paid off my last car in record time; so why I can't get a loan is beyond me if my credit rating is perfect and I'm unlikely to lose my pension anytime soon. And speaking of which, I'm unable to get a deposit together because the pension doesn't really allow you to save anything up - unlike the normal pay packet - it only just covers what you need to live; and that's it. So, how am I supposed to get a place of my own without relying on renting off somebody else?
This means I'm stuck here until further notice... I hate this but it's true. I want to move, but can't - not won't - and am hating my position in life right now.
So, this is why I haven't written for a while. This is heavy shit that's been on my mind for a long time; and is bubbling to the surface. My brother has been talking to me about it and knows I want to move as well. So he's more than glad to help me out with this too. I'm so happy he's on my side... but this will take time. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.
It's because I'm not happy in myself and I don't really want to burden you all with it.
I hate depression. It really does get me down and I wish it would go away; and normally it does. However, this time it's sticking around longer than it usually does. And I know why.
I'm not happy with where I'm living. I've lived in the same place for almost 15 years and I really don't the space to do what I want to do around the townhouse. Every time I want to do any sewing, I have to move things off the kitchen table, open it up, pull down my sewing machine and do my sewing all in one day. Then after I'm finished, I have to put it all away so I can eat dinner at the same table.
If I want to paint, I have to do the same thing at the work bench. There's only so much room I have around me before I have to pull out another table, move the chair - and I can't get around the extra table to get to the toilet or outside. Then, when it's time to finish up, I have to pack every last thing away so I don't trip over it later that night.
There's simply no room for me to just leave my gear where it is and go into another room and let it all alone for a day or two.
Another room... now that's what I need... a 3rd bedroom so I can have a craft room where I can have all my things out and ready to use; where I don't have to put them away all the time, where I can just sit and sew or paint and draw or read art books and magazines. However, to have that 3rd room, I have to move out of the complex.
Herein lays the dilemma. I can't get out of here without a bank loan - which I'm unable to get from any bank; believe me I've tried. Nobody will lend me the money to buy a house off my own bat because I don't have collateral (which I'm still fuzzy on what that is exactly). I don't have any debt, no credit card, and paid off my last car in record time; so why I can't get a loan is beyond me if my credit rating is perfect and I'm unlikely to lose my pension anytime soon. And speaking of which, I'm unable to get a deposit together because the pension doesn't really allow you to save anything up - unlike the normal pay packet - it only just covers what you need to live; and that's it. So, how am I supposed to get a place of my own without relying on renting off somebody else?
This means I'm stuck here until further notice... I hate this but it's true. I want to move, but can't - not won't - and am hating my position in life right now.
So, this is why I haven't written for a while. This is heavy shit that's been on my mind for a long time; and is bubbling to the surface. My brother has been talking to me about it and knows I want to move as well. So he's more than glad to help me out with this too. I'm so happy he's on my side... but this will take time. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.
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