A Deceit by Chocolate

For a week where I wasn't expected to do anything or go anywhere, didn't have any doctor's appointments or have anywhere to really go, I was really busy.

Monday was my usual art class. But I felt sick the whole time; and just came home hibernated for the afternoon. I didn't know why I was sick, but I was. My guts were going backflips and I was sweating like you wouldn't believe. I kept thinking I was going to have a seizure - but it never happened. I also didn't want to eat, and couldn't sleep.

Something was up, and it was in my food.

So, I sussed out what I had been eating since last week... and you know? It was the new Lindt Orange chocolate pillows. I read the ingredients, didn't know half the numbers and started Googling. Oh... My... God! You wouldn't believe what those new number meant! 

I found numbers 211 and 401 weren't what I thought they'd be. One of them were to preserve jellies and fruit colourings (which is what was inside the pillows the chocolate - the orange substance) and 401 was something that caused cancer and both of them were Halal Certified! 211 could cause all kinds of problems with nausea and causing your body to not absorb nutrients properly and other bigger problems - like dizziness and confusion. 

Exactly why did they put this shit into this particular chocolate then think it was okay to sell it to the public??? I have Googled around again and again, and still come to the same conclusion about these two additives - they are not good for us; whether they have the E on the beginning of the numbers or not... don't eat them! Here's a site for you go to where you can read all about what these do to you... it's really unsettling.

After I threw out the Lindt Orange pillows, and went back to my ordinary chocolate, I was fine within 48 hours. I started eating better, sleeping better and not feeling so sick in the guts. Now, all I want to do is catch up on my sleep... I've lost about 3 nights' worth. 

Catching Up

As you all know, I've been crook as a chook with laryngitis... but then, a youngster coughed on me as I was getting over that and I caught it again! Well, a cold attached to that darned laryngitis anyway.

So, off to the doctors I went again and I was giving more antibiotics again and I was stuck at home - again - with a horrible cough, sinus and unable to sleep at night. 

Thank the Gods that happened before it got really cold!

Now, I'm catching up with the vacuuming, the housework, the gardening and the cleaning of the car. It's all slow-going, but I'm happily just doing a couple of loads of laundry, putting it outside in the hopes it'll dry (and it doesn't) and then pulling it in and putting it all on the clothes horse, once I pull the last lot off there. It's a never-ending circle of damp laundry in the house where I'm constantly running into the clothes horse.

I can't wait until it's all under control and I don't have to do so many loads of laundry every week. This is what happens when I get sick, everything gets so set back because I become lazy.

Anyway, I'm also working on the garden after the Logan City Council killed off most of my lawn. The lawn food hasn't done anything to fix it; so it looks like I'll have to get in and buy some lawn seed and work on it before Spring comes by. Jeez, I hate that... just when I thought my lawn was going well, somebody comes by and kills half of it off. 

Well, I've been reading again too - mainly in bed just before I turn out the light. Yep, I've gotten into the habit of not being on the computer late at night because it's causing sleeping problems for me. So, once I've finished watching television at around 10pm, I'll turned it off, clean up the living room, wash up the last of my tea and teapot and make sure everything is locked up. Then, I'll turn out the lights and get ready for bed (aka: P.J's, brush my teeth, put on the coconut oil and brush my hair and take my calcium pill) and then read a book for around an hour; and this is a real book, not a kindle. I don't like those things. They're too delicate for me. I have a tendency of throwing a book onto the floor before turning out the light. A kindle will only put up with being tossed like that before it breaks... so a real, paper and cardboard book is for me. I sleep better when I don't hit the computer at night; especially if I'm not feeling all that great and am battling a cold. 

So, it's been been three weeks, of me reading a couple of chapters of a book and so far, I've read one book, started another and am well on the road to my recovery of my reading slump. Not a bad run really. I'm starting out small and am building up to bigger books; all at around 11pm at night. 

Well, that's what I've been up to lately. I'm also catching up with my letter-writing. I'm writing a nice newsy letter to a friend in Toowoomba; and including photographs too. You see, she's an elderly lady I've known for years, and she doesn't like the internet or have a Facebook page. So, I've been writing to her twice a year or so and sending her lovely photos of my garden, my house, and my car, and where I go every few months... she loves it all, as it's just such a lovely way of keeping in contact. And besides, there's nothing like receiving a letter in the mail, is there? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

This Week

I've been busily working away here at home with all the housework... and yet looking longingly at my painting to work on it.

Yep, I'm not well again and still want to work on my Tuscan Garden. I just wish I knew how to do bricks... they still look flat! Oh well, I'll get it.

This week, I bought a new set of sheets, have done loads of laundry, washed up a lot, put out plenty of rubbish and sorted out a lot of other things that needed sorting; and yet feel as though I've gotten exactly nowhere with anything around here.

I've still yet to journal some books for release for tomorrow at a coffee shop I'm going to meet up with a friend at, and figure out what I'm going to wear to that meet-up as well.

This week has been a week of me going to the doctors, taking antibiotics, making sure I'm warm, well-rested and not going anywhere much - just hanging around the house. In other words: boring stay at home stuff. Normally, I'm barely home and out and about doing all kinds of things. This week, I've caught up with so much, I'm amazed that there is still so much to do around the place. 

I think it's the gardening which has really caused me to be that busy. In the next week or two, I'm going to be getting in and working on it more and more, getting another larger pot for another plant and moving plants around the place, making the garden transform yet again into something else completely; compared to last year's effort. 

Well, they were forecasting rain today, but the skies are still bright blue outside. I think I'll leave the laundry out for a bit longer. I have a photograph to take for my next painting... and a canvas to look for in the next week or so. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

First Day of July, and...

I've had a very busy day today.

First off, I cooked up myself a really great breakfast - but didn't want it. So, I tossed it out and washed the car.

Then, I cleaned the tyres, put armorald onto the important inside parts and then polished it and cleaned the headlights. 

Yep, my little car shone like a new penny! 

By this time, I was staaaarrrving! About time. But then, I thought it was a good time to take a little drive to get the water and crap out of the brakes and tyres. 

So, I took off to Simply Beans and enjoyed a lovely ice coffee and Belgian Waffles! Yummo! I read the paper a little (something I never do on a Saturday) and then took off to Bunnings and bought 2 bags of potting mix and tried to get another large $16 pot, but I could only afford the potting mix - oh well, next time!

After that, I was back on the road to Arndale and looking at Variety1. This place has a huge amount of goodies from Mont Mart... and so I bought a couple of things to send off to Mark, who is in hospital right now. I was hoping to visit him, but I've come down with a cold I caught off a 5 year old around my complex. 

Jeez, if it's not laryngitis, it's the common cold... man, where did I go wrong? 

Anyway, I'm home now, it's around 4pm and it's beginning to get cold. Last night, I was hoping to change the top sheet of my bed to another warm sheet, and when I pulled out the other sheet, I found out the hard way that I gave away the wrong bloody sheet to charity! I gave the Queen sized sheet and kept the double sheet! Damn! I knew I should never do that, give my sheets away to anyone... this has happened before.

So, now, I have to go and buy another Queen size sheet for the bed.

Anyway, I've gotten a lot done today. The yoghurt I made last night worked out - second time's a charm - and I'm looking forward to chilling out around the house tomorrow and doing some gardening in the next couple of weeks. 

Well, I'm hoping to vacuum out the car tomorrow when the car port dries out. But the car looks lovely and clean now. Well, that's me for now. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember I'm always here.

Strings Attached

Over the past few weeks, I've been crook; so much so I missed one art class, but I was back at it again last week.

And over the past week, Eckersleys has had an art sale like you wouldn't believe! I've been eying off a gorgeous easel over the past 6 months. As usual, if I really like something, I don't say much about it, just admire it quietly and wait for the price to drop. Well, I've been admiring this one Jasart Bamboo Easel for around 6 months and waiting very patiently for the price to drop - and at the same time I'm coming into some money... so I thought to get a bit of money and buy it.
However, when it came time to pull those two things together, it didn't quite work out the way I thought it would. The money is in my Dad's account, and he said no to me using some of it to buy this lovely easel at 55% off! I mean, it was at the cheapest it's ever going to be!

Anyway, we went to Eckersleys and he looked around at the place and he ended up paying for it. But I still want to pay for it out of my own money; not work it off. This makes me feel like a slave, not like his daughter. I don't know why this has happened, but I don't like being in somebody's debt for things. And when the time comes, I'll be getting the money out to pay for it in full. 

As much as I love scoring new things like this - or second-hand - I really don't like it when people do this to me. I hate being in people's debt. Right now, I feel as though the easel isn't mine... not really. It's on loan from my Dad because he bought it for me and he wants me to do things around his place for him to pay it off. That's adding strings to something, not treating me like family, or acting as though he doesn't trust me. 

It's a little wonder I often feel as though I'm not part of the family; and I feel as though I'm not trusted with anything and I'm left out of a lot of things as well.  It's also a little wonder I have trust issues with people - outside and family as well as within it - when my own Dad acts as though I can't be trusted and has to do this kind of thing to get me to do things for him. All he has to do is ask me to help him out, not blackmail or bribe me. Doing that just keeps me from getting to know him as anyone else but a my Dad. 

And when this happens, the family dynamics disappears very quickly. He loses my respect quickly too. 

Been Depressed, Been Working On It

A few weeks ago, I was really depressed... and I mean, I just couldn't get myself out of it. But I've been slowly working at getting myself out of that and back into my happy space.

It's not easy, but I'm getting there.

I'm back into reading again; and that's a start. I'm also painting again too. I'm into the last fine bits of my painting for a raffle at Murarrie State School; and I'm looking forward to it too.

It's Winter and I'm hoping to get my butt into my garden again  as well with the pots I scored from the Logan City Council and some potting mix. And recently, I scored some cuttings of white Frangipanis which are going to look just lovely in a few years' time, once they get going in their own pots!

I'm still decluttering the house - the most recent item I've cleaned out is the entertainment unit. I've found so many VCR tapes and we have to look into getting them digitised as we can't view them on digital televisions as they're analogue tapes.
And I'm still tightening up the house so much. I still want to add a few more wall-hangings - but I just can't find them at charity stores. So, it looks like I'll have to find pictures of what I want a painting of and duplicate it on my own, find a suitable frame and hang it myself. 

Really, I'm hanging to move out of this place still. I do need a real house - not another townhouse as the body corporate fees are just too expensive - to live in. The extra space would be good for me and so would the extra yard for me to use for a garden... seeing I've started expanding my garden into a forest of its own now. 

Yep, I'm still fighting the Black Dog on a daily basis, and I'm winning. In the last week, I came down with Laryngitis and I'm getting over it quickly with antibiotics which make me feel like throwing up and falling over at the same time. Either way, I'm sleeping at night and my voice is returning quickly - unlike last Thursday and Friday when it wasn't with me at all. Well, I'm hoping to get myself to my art class tomorrow... I have missed it dearly. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Been A While

I'm sorry. It's been a while, and I haven't written anything here. It's not because I haven't got anything to write - or say - I do.

It's because I'm not happy in myself and I don't really want to burden you all with it.

I hate depression. It really does get me down and I wish it would go away; and normally it does. However, this time it's sticking around longer than it usually does. And I know why. 

I'm not happy with where I'm living. I've lived in the same place for almost 15 years and I really don't the space to do what I want to do around the townhouse. Every time I want to do any sewing, I have to move things off the kitchen table, open it up, pull down my sewing machine and do my sewing all in one day. Then after I'm finished, I have to put it all away so I can eat dinner at the same table. 

If I want to paint, I have to do the same thing at the work bench. There's only so much room I have around me before I have to pull out another table, move the chair - and I can't get around the extra table to get to the toilet or outside. Then, when it's time to finish up, I have to pack every last thing away so I don't trip over it later that night.

There's simply no room for me to just leave my gear where it is and go into another room and let it all alone for a day or two. 

Another room... now that's what I need... a 3rd bedroom so I can have a craft room where I can have all my things out and ready to use; where I don't have to put them away all the time, where I can just sit and sew or paint and draw or read art books and magazines. However, to have that 3rd room, I have to move out of the complex.

Herein lays the dilemma. I can't get out of here without a bank loan - which I'm unable to get from any bank; believe me I've tried. Nobody will lend me the money to buy a house off my own bat because I don't have collateral (which I'm still fuzzy on what that is exactly). I don't have any debt, no credit card, and paid off my last car in record time; so why I can't get a loan is beyond me if my credit rating is perfect and I'm unlikely to lose my pension anytime soon. And speaking of which, I'm unable to get a deposit together because the pension doesn't really allow you to save anything up - unlike the normal pay packet - it only just covers what you need to live; and that's it. So, how am I supposed to get a place of my own without relying on renting off somebody else? 

This means I'm stuck here until further notice... I hate this but it's true. I want to move, but can't - not won't - and am hating my position in life right now. 

So, this is why I haven't written for a while. This is heavy shit that's been on my mind for a long time; and is bubbling to the surface. My brother has been talking to me about it and knows I want to move as well. So he's more than glad to help me out with this too. I'm so happy he's on my side... but this will take time. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here. 

The War On Waste - Part 2

Tuesday night was the second episode of this 3-part series on how wasteful we are as a nation.

However, the greatest thing about this show on the ABC is that they're not sugar-coating anything. The journalist has been telling us exactly what's been going on, who's avoiding him, which emails are saying what and who's giving him mixed messages in those emails too. 

We are being told that we are a wasteful, throwaway society, unable to fix things, refusing to accept old things or second-hand things. And yet, when I had to change my living room around - and update it to what I wanted it to be - I found that getting somebody (anybody!) interested in my 30 year old sofa-bed was impossible. 

Not a single charity wanted it. Life Line complained about the 20cm tear in the arm. Vinnies did the same (and yet they never saw it, they just said no over the phone). And I refuse to go anywhere near the Salvos because they sent out a guy who had just gotten out of prison to pick my last donation - and he left me with half my furniture and was rude as hell to me.

So, today, Dad and I took the sofa-bed to the Browns Plains 'Smart' Tip to see if the store over there would take it off my hands.

But no... they heard about the tiny tear in the arm and they said it would go to landfill.

Now, I'm watching that show 'War On Waste' and we are being accused of being wasteful. And this is one thing I'm not. I have second-hand furniture, second-hand clothing, second-hand books, second-hand vinyls and second-hand kitchenware... and yet, a dump store wouldn't take my second-hand sofa-bed. 

Before you all ask me - no, there's nothing wrong with the bed. It's fine. It's been used all of 3 times in the 15 years it's been with me; and that tiny tear in the arm? Well, that's been that size since I bought it at Springwood when I first moved into my place. Before that, the people we bought it off - through 'The Trading Post' - had had it for another 10 or 15 years before me. 

Why is it that after I've done all the right things to get rid of my sofa-bed, it ends up in the very place I didn't want to end up? 

I tried selling it on Gumtree - but nobody wanted it.

I tried giving it away through friends and family - but nobody wanted it.

I tried giving it away on Facebook sites - but nobody wanted it there either. And the person who did, unfortunately had unexpected health issues and couldn't pick it up.

I tried donating it - and none of the 3 big charities wanted it because of the 20cm tear!

I took it to the Browns Plains 'Smart' Tip - and they said no because of the 20cm tear! And told me to dump it!

This is getting beyond a joke! How long will it take until we realise that a tiny tear in the arm of a lounge or a chair won't destroy the ego of the next person who gets it.

It didn't destroy my ego when I bought the lounge. I needed a lounge - so I bought it with the tear. So whoopie, it had a tear! that tear didn't get any bigger over the past 15 years... this is why I got a cover for it, so it wouldn't. 

So, before you go on Gumtree or any of the charities (who are really fussy as all shit about what you're going to donate - honestly they are), just take all your furniture to the dump and throw it away. It's just not worth it, people. I know that sounds depressing - and it is - but really, if I couldn't sell a 30 year old sofa-bed with a tiny tear in the arm, how are we going to get rid of any of the clutter in our houses without adding to landfill? 

The War On Waste

Last night, on the ABC television, I watched an hour of television which really educated and saddened me. It was a documentary which showed me how much food we are wasting in Australia - and yet, the government is blaming us, the consumer, for this problem, when it's got nothing to do with us.

It starts at the farmers. They pull in more food than we can eat - that's enough food to feed over twice our population - and yet they are forced to throw away over 40 tonnes of it every day because it doesn't look right, it's too long, it's too short, it's too thick, it's too thin... sounds like I'm describing something disgusting, right? Well, I'm not. I'm describing bananas. Our farmers are throwing away so many bananas where there's nothing wrong with them except their size and yet, they're wasted because the big shopping centres think we don't want to eat them.
But this is to their strict standards of how food should look; making us fussy customers - which in turn makes the farmers waste so much on their farms. Putting it in ordinary terms: the farmers throw out about 40% of what they pull in every day - something they could be donating to food banks, sending to people who can't afford to eat and making sure we all eat.

Another way food it being wasted is at the shopping centres. There's big industrial bins out the back of the places where so much food is being thrown out instead of being used in the food banks. There are people who bin-dive to survive on the food there; and they are the most unlikely people as well. 
Over 20 years ago, when I was younger and working, I used to skateboard around the back of one of the local shopping centres and bin dive to find they threw out the best things! There were magazines, bread, fruit and vegetables, bags of chips and nuts... all within date. When I was spotted by security, the shopping centre whacked a padlock on the bins. Were they in denial or did they do that for my own safety? I'll never know. But if that was happening over 20 years ago, I wonder if they're doing this still.

It's not just food being wasted either. 

There's clothes, furniture and other essentials in life which makes our lives so much more comfortable which is being wasted by being tossed in landfill. 

I recycle everything I can before I have to throw it out. Almost all my clothes are from op-shops, so are my books, vinyls and furniture. 95% of my house is filled with second-hand and op-shopped items - the acception being my bedroom where I bought myself a brand new bedroom suite with a new mattress after 20 years of sleeping on the same bed (and the springs in it started poking through into me). 
When my clothes no longer fit me I donate them if they're in good-enough shape. Or if they're falling apart, I cut them up into rags and use them to clean my paint brushes or to polish my furniture. Once those rags are no longer useful, I cut them into strips and use them to tie to garden stakes (yep, I haven't used plastic ties in over 5 years, it's gentler on the plant). And once they're threadbare, it's then I throw that out... and this all takes around 4 - 5 years to take place. 
I donate everything from shoes to hats, handbags, jeans, pajamas and socks... all washed and cleaned properly, folded up and ready for use. But the one thing I don't donate is my underwear (after all if I don't want it, who else will?). 

Now, this didn't just happen. This took time. I had to take a careful look at how much money I was spending on things, figure out where the op-shops were in my area and make sure I knew what I wanted from them, knew what I could live without in my home and know how to be just happy with my lot in life... which is something we have to learn to be again. 

And this is the problem with out society. 

We have become a society of socialites, of greedy little grommets who want more, and more, and more and never think about what it's doing to the world, our bank accounts or what it will do to the future generations that when we do look around us and realise exactly how much in debt we are, how little we really do want our things and how unhappy we actually are with 'our lot in life', it'll be far too late. 

The time to act is now. If you're looking at buying new furniture from a big place like IKEA or Freedom, instead go to a Life Line Supa-Store (where the furniture is being sold) and look at the furniture there. It'll be in lovely condition, may be a little old-fashioned but will last longer because it's built properly. Some of it may be only a few years old, while other pieces will be over 40 years old and just lovely and will last longer than the 'retro-style' that's made now because it's got that weight it needs to keep it together.

And before you all start commenting on the expense to me, let me tell you something about how I've afforded to op-shop. I'm on a pension - which only just covers my rent, my bills, getting food into my stomach and my medication and putting petrol into my car - and yet, I can put aside $40 a fortnight into a bank account to save for something I really want at any op-shop around Brisbane. All you have to do is know where to look, be picky about what you want, and enjoy yourself. You're out shopping in a store, which has a bit of everything in it, and it's for a good cause too, and all you have to do on your first few visits is look... but donating to op-shops is even better for you as you don't have to throw your unwanted clothes in the bin, somebody else will enjoy them as much as you did. And besides, there's a lot of things you'll find in an op-shop you'll never find anywhere else.  

Are They Charities?

Years ago, when you gave something to a charity, they took it from you, no questions, no problems. It didn't matter what was wrong with the item, the charities took it off your hands and if they couldn't use it, they threw it away. 

That was then.

Now, I have tried to give to a number of charities and they've acted as though I've given them something covered in cat hair and fleas. I have been trying to sell and get rid of my 15+ year old sofa-bed. First I put it up on gumtree and had a good price on it. It was there for 3 weeks, had 90 views and made to page 10 without a single person asking me anything about it before I deleted it. If it didn't sell there, I didn't see the point in lowering the price and trying again.

Then, I tried friends and family. A lot of them have never see this piece of furniture up close. But none of them wanted it. 

So, I tried out some of the mainstream charities I knew about. Life Line was the first place I thought of. They came out yesterday and took one look at it and said no. This was because it's got a small tear on one arm. After owning this second-hand sofa-bed, which came with that tear, for 15 years, I'd say it's in very good condition for something that' had 2 owners. The bed inside it is in very good condition and yet they still wouldn't touch it. 

They suggested the Salvos - and I said not them. The last time the Salvos came by here on two occasions, they wouldn't take my television because it wasn't a new one. And then the second time, the guy who came by didn't like my bedroom suite and only took the bed, leaving a solid timber bedroom suite behind for me to get rid of! 
So, they suggested Vinnies. I called up St Vincent De Paul and they asked if 'it needed mending or fixing up'. I told them about the small tear and straight away, the lady on the other end refused it. When I pushed her about them being greedy for the money end of it... asking if it's just the money they're after seeing that they're only after the good stuff, and leaving anything damaged behind instead of fixing it... she hung up on me.

So, when you do think about it, the mainstream charities aren't there to give anything to anyone who really needs it. They're there to line their pockets with our money. They won't pick up all our donations, just what they can make money with, and leave anything damaged or old with us. 

My question to those charities we hoped to rely on so much is: what the hell are we supposed to do with these things when you don't want them, when we can't sell them, when we can't give them away? Tell me where we are supposed to take them that doesn't lead to landfill.