It's been 19 years since I escaped an abusive relationship and the other side of Brisbane and came back home to my family. I was only with my ex-boyfriend for 9 months, but it was the longest 9 months of my life!
He used to beat me, leaving bruises on my hands and arms. But when people started noticing them, he began to mentally abuse me - and believe me, that is so much worse because nobody sees those scars but you and your shrink. He also raped me when he'd get home after a really late night at work and I was in bed sleeping... which was horrendous, and I would never wish on any of my worst enemies.
He was what I call 'A Jekyll and Hyde' guy... yeah you know the one where you never know who you're gonna wake up with in the morning; or who's coming home to you at night after work. Is he going to be a nice guy to you or a complete arsehole and throw his dinner against the wall like a 3-year-old having a tantrum? Is he going to be romantic and bring home flowers and take you out to dinner and tell you to get all dressed up just for him? Will he let you go out with your friends, only to explode at you when you arrive home an hour later than you promised to? And when you do, he goes and destroys something you love... like your favourite cd or a shirt you've brought home from overseas or he flushes your medication down the toilet because he thinks you don't need it. Yep, this is a Jekyll and Hyde... not the person you want be around; and the type you're always walking on eggshells around.
The worst thing he did was get me pregnant, then when I miss-carried, he blamed me for it; calling me a 'cancer on society' - jeez, I'll never forget those words for as long as I live. I knew when he said that it was the beginning of the end of the relationship. But the end of it was when he cheated on me with a man... yes, you read right.
Not long after that, I fell apart on a friend over the phone and she ordered me to call my Dad and my family organised to get me out of that place at Auchenflower here in Brisbane, and back home where I belonged.
It's been 19 years since I lived that nightmare and now I've got my life on track. I'm stablised with my Epilepsy. I'm at art school and doing really well. I'm enjoying working in my garden and the best thing ever is that I'm now back driving a car! Yay! It's the best thing I've achieved ever!
Now, you're probably wondering why I'm writing about my abusive relationship here... well, it's because on Prince Ea's Facebook page, he put up a video about not allowing abusive relationships get too far before they destroy you. I put up a comment talking about my relationship with my ex-bf and it opened a can of worms on there with men and women talking openly about it all. There were women who were relieved they weren't going through this kind of thing alone, and one or two guys who wondered why I didn't leave after the first few times he treated me like crap. I've replied to them all, especially to the men about their queries of why I didn't leave after those first few times.
It is difficult to understand why people don't leave abusive relationships and unless you've been in one, you'll never understand how much of a trap it can be. Sometimes both people are horrible to each other and don't change. Most times, it's only one person who has trapped the other one and they're treating the the quiet one horribly... and this should never happen. And you know, the people who become involved in abusive relationships are usually very strong people who see the good in everyone - yep that's somebody like me.
The results from my last relationship is that it's spun my compass about people out of focus. Sometimes I can pick an idiot at 50 paces and other times I can't... but mostly I just can't trust people at all. I've been single for over a decade because I don't trust myself to be in a relationship. But then, when I've been the one in the relationship who has been honest and trusting, the other person has gone out and screwed somebody else. So, really how can I trust anyone when nobody wants an honest and trusting relationship with me?
Now, when I see Jekyll and Hyde guys around, I just look at them up and down and wonder exactly how they go that way and walk in the other direction. It's not my circus, and not my monkeys... really... and not worth my time. My life and my time is worth so much more than that; and I know it.
Still, I don't trust anyone - like I said - and after all this time, I think I've improved in a lot of ways. I no longer have nightmares about my ex-bf and I'm not scared of people anymore. I see life a lot differently now. It's all about improving myself, being myself and if people don't like who I am, they can go away. As for those Jekyll and Hyde people? Well, they've got serious social issue they really need to look into.
He used to beat me, leaving bruises on my hands and arms. But when people started noticing them, he began to mentally abuse me - and believe me, that is so much worse because nobody sees those scars but you and your shrink. He also raped me when he'd get home after a really late night at work and I was in bed sleeping... which was horrendous, and I would never wish on any of my worst enemies.
He was what I call 'A Jekyll and Hyde' guy... yeah you know the one where you never know who you're gonna wake up with in the morning; or who's coming home to you at night after work. Is he going to be a nice guy to you or a complete arsehole and throw his dinner against the wall like a 3-year-old having a tantrum? Is he going to be romantic and bring home flowers and take you out to dinner and tell you to get all dressed up just for him? Will he let you go out with your friends, only to explode at you when you arrive home an hour later than you promised to? And when you do, he goes and destroys something you love... like your favourite cd or a shirt you've brought home from overseas or he flushes your medication down the toilet because he thinks you don't need it. Yep, this is a Jekyll and Hyde... not the person you want be around; and the type you're always walking on eggshells around.
The worst thing he did was get me pregnant, then when I miss-carried, he blamed me for it; calling me a 'cancer on society' - jeez, I'll never forget those words for as long as I live. I knew when he said that it was the beginning of the end of the relationship. But the end of it was when he cheated on me with a man... yes, you read right.
Not long after that, I fell apart on a friend over the phone and she ordered me to call my Dad and my family organised to get me out of that place at Auchenflower here in Brisbane, and back home where I belonged.
It's been 19 years since I lived that nightmare and now I've got my life on track. I'm stablised with my Epilepsy. I'm at art school and doing really well. I'm enjoying working in my garden and the best thing ever is that I'm now back driving a car! Yay! It's the best thing I've achieved ever!
Now, you're probably wondering why I'm writing about my abusive relationship here... well, it's because on Prince Ea's Facebook page, he put up a video about not allowing abusive relationships get too far before they destroy you. I put up a comment talking about my relationship with my ex-bf and it opened a can of worms on there with men and women talking openly about it all. There were women who were relieved they weren't going through this kind of thing alone, and one or two guys who wondered why I didn't leave after the first few times he treated me like crap. I've replied to them all, especially to the men about their queries of why I didn't leave after those first few times.
It is difficult to understand why people don't leave abusive relationships and unless you've been in one, you'll never understand how much of a trap it can be. Sometimes both people are horrible to each other and don't change. Most times, it's only one person who has trapped the other one and they're treating the the quiet one horribly... and this should never happen. And you know, the people who become involved in abusive relationships are usually very strong people who see the good in everyone - yep that's somebody like me.
The results from my last relationship is that it's spun my compass about people out of focus. Sometimes I can pick an idiot at 50 paces and other times I can't... but mostly I just can't trust people at all. I've been single for over a decade because I don't trust myself to be in a relationship. But then, when I've been the one in the relationship who has been honest and trusting, the other person has gone out and screwed somebody else. So, really how can I trust anyone when nobody wants an honest and trusting relationship with me?
Now, when I see Jekyll and Hyde guys around, I just look at them up and down and wonder exactly how they go that way and walk in the other direction. It's not my circus, and not my monkeys... really... and not worth my time. My life and my time is worth so much more than that; and I know it.
Still, I don't trust anyone - like I said - and after all this time, I think I've improved in a lot of ways. I no longer have nightmares about my ex-bf and I'm not scared of people anymore. I see life a lot differently now. It's all about improving myself, being myself and if people don't like who I am, they can go away. As for those Jekyll and Hyde people? Well, they've got serious social issue they really need to look into.
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