Learning to Slow Down

Over the past year, I've been working hard to forget about the death of my dear friend. I thought if I stopped or slowed down too much, the sheer thought of her passing would bring me to a crashing halt again. 

But that's not true.

A few months back, I landed in the A & E of the Greenslopes Private Hospital and it was because I had almost burnt myself out. The doctor in charge there asked me if I'd been through a huge loss, and I said yes, and he asked if I had been working hard on things all year - and not letting her go. I hadn't really thought about it, but I have been doing a lot of things in the past year to stop myself from thinking about Hannah.

I'm beginning to slow down a little now. I'm working slowly on things, enjoying a movie on Saturday nights again, reading the newspaper on Sunday mornings. Hey, I've even gotten back into reading part of a book before turning out the light again - now I haven't done that since before Hannah died last May. 

At long last, my life is beginning to get back into some kind of normal again. But it's her memory which I'm trying to keep alive as well. I guess this will take time to do with people who knew her.

Things in my life are taking shape though. Hannah did ask me to live a better and more fulfilled life than she did (she did more than I've ever done), so I almost immediately started saving up for a camper after she passed away. I also cleaned up my garden, started cleaning out my house on a major scale and put into work a beanie I've always wanted to design... and I'm well on my way to getting into the type of life I've been only planning. 

The one thing I have to do to get this life plan of mine working properly is to slow down. I have to learn to watch life pass me by a little, relax and enjoy what I've got and what is going on around me more and learn to wait for things. Yep, life is one big lesson on waiting isn't it? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Family Dinner

I'm an introvert... well, when you live on your own, you kinda become one. And it's something which affects how your house looks. 

I do clean the house, the floors, do my laundry on a regular basis and toss out the rubbish into the bin outside - but I rarely have visitors come to my house for dinner or lunch.

It's just a thing I don't do because I like my privacy and so the house and how it's presented doesn't look like a home you'd see of a normally social person. I don't put things away straight away. I have unusual-looking things in unusual-looking places - and yes I think it's normal. 

Being an artist, I have all my art things within easy reach of where I want them. My knitting box is right next to me so I can access it at night - and it's rarely put away. And when it is, a lot of the times, I can't find it because I have the most rotten memory. 

I never make my bed - unless I have to, like for example, when I go on holidays. Yep, I make my bed then, because there's nothing worse than coming home from a week or so away and you didn't make your bed before you left.

I'm constantly cleaning out the house - there's always something being thrown in the bin or taken to a charity store. I'm always moving things around the place to make the most of the room I have... and yet, I still don't have enough space for anything I have already. 

And this week, I have my parents coming over for dinner... and yes, this is freaking me out. I haven't had them over in so long, that I've spent a few days just cleaning the house, putting things away and tidying up. So far, it's looking good. 
Today, I did the last-minute shop where I got what I needed for the dinner tomorrow night. And this afternoon, I'll be putting away a few things and vacuuming and dusting everything I can. It'll take a few hours, but it'll be worth it. Then, I'll get in and chop up most of the vegetables and put them into a bowl of water for the cannelloni tomorrow night. This saves me chopping them up tomorrow afternoon; and I'll have more time to get in and do more around the place.

I know I should keep the house tidier, but living on your own isn't easy. When you're on your own, you have to do everything - from the cooking and cleaning to the gardening and shopping and paying your own bills. A lot of the times, you can't get on top of everything completely. It takes a long time to have the house completely tidy - and you normally have to put down absolutely everything you're doing in your life and spend weeks cleaning to get it anywhere near what you want your place to look. But keeping it tidy turns out to be too difficult for me. So, the townhouse gets a big clean-up once in a while and I try to keep it tidy for a few months; and fail miserably. 

I really do wish I could do better... does anyone else have this problem? Or am I alone? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember I'm always here.

Watching Jupiter

Yep, I've been watching Jupiter pass by Earth's orbit in the past couple of nights; and tonight is the last night to see it in all its glory. After all it's the brightest 'star' in the night sky when you look up right now. And seeing it's the biggest gas planet, I'm not gonna miss it moving past us.

Okay, you caught me out, I'm a total planetary-space geek. I love whatever goes on out beyond the solar system and beyond. It's something which has totally fascinated me since I was little; and I'm not ashamed to say it's going to fascinate me until I'm old and can't see anything beyond my nose - even with glasses. 

But I've been busy with things on Planet Earth right now. I'm still going to social painting classes; and working hard on my next body of work. I've applied for a few things at the Logan Artists Association too. I'm also saving up big to buy something in the next year for myself... something which will keep myself looking around and active in a big way for the rest of my life.

Little Green Machine is going to be worked on in the next year or two and have some additions of a tow bar and roof racks put onto her. Yep, I'm not looking into selling her anymore. I'm improving on her instead. 

My life has been good in the past few months and I'm working myself more. It's been a year since Hannah took her life; and I'm remembering what she last told me to do with my life: live it to the fullest and better than I ever could. And I'm going to do that, dear friend. I've been making my life the best it can be. I'm working on my garden, painting and enjoying a better social life, and decluttering my house in the biggest way - bigger than in the past few years. And now, I've donated my hair for the Leukaemia Foundation and I've gotten into knitting beanies on a big scale too. 

How weird is that? I just can't stop knitting beanies... not ordinary ones either, strange ones for all kinds of people. 

Well, that's my news for now. I'm keeping well, haven't caught the flu (touch wood) and don't wish to either. And I'm do my best to keep myself well. I hope you're all doing well. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Learning New Things

It's been a busy month for me, and I'm looking at the second part of this year in a different way than I did at the beginning of this year. 

Now, as some of you know, I'm decluttering my house, and now it's going to become something of a bigger thing. I've become more honest and brutal with what I'm going to get rid of, I'm hoping to save more money as the year goes on, get more things done with the car, look at what I really need in my life and what I don't need.

Yes, my whole life is going to be upended and worked out completely - and it's going to be something which will hurt in one way, but will work out for the better in a lot of other ways. 

Why I'm doing is will reveal itself soon enough, and I'm hoping my plans work out when I'm ready to say. But I've been going through the wardrobe. I'm using up all my knitting yarn, I'm maintaining my garden, I'm working on getting rid of what I no longer need anymore and it's making me feel good. I'm also getting in and pushing myself to make good habits around the house, get rid of bad habits and work on what I need to so I can work things out in the next few years. 

Otherwise, my life is going okay. I've begun reading a cool psychology book about how the mind works. I'm knitting a few beanies at a time. I'm looking at how much food I'm buying every fortnight - and streamlining it even more so it doesn't cost me more than it needs to. I'm saving more money than I did last year at this time. It's really cool though, I'm not going without anything, but I'm learning new things right now, which are going to help me in the next two years. 

So, what are you doing which are going to teach you new things over the next few years? Are you doing anything now which is going to be benefit you in the future? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

This Week

In the past week, my next door neighbours moved out and the place is quiet. However, the people two doors down are new and quite noisy... and it's not just me who has noticed this. Our caretaker doesn't like them a bit.

Then, I've been caring for the back yard - mowing it, and making sure it's healthy. And seeing it's coming into Winter, it's well and truly slowing down to the point that next month, I'll be able to do some serious work on it. I'm making sure I don't spend too much money on things I don't need - and I so I'm staying home to save that money. 
I do need a new, larger pot, more potting mix and maybe a few other pots for some other plants I have to create for the garden... just until next year.

I've been knitting recycled yarn from op-shops into beanies and tea-cosies. But I'm not making them for just anyone, these are hopefully going to be for the Pop-Up Store for the Logan Art Gallery this year. I have to talk to Jillian and ask if I can still be in the store this year. 

I'm still declutter (as you can see on 'A Work In Progress' Blog) and I'm getting really good at just giving away what I don't need anymore. Yep, I'm very good at doing this now. And like anyone, I do have my drawbacks on what I want to keep and what I don't. I guess nobody's perfect. 

Well, that's about it really. I hope this Winter is nice and cold - for once - and we do get some good chilliness this year for the sub-tropics. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

It's Almost Winter

Okay... I haven't written much, but then, it's because I've been so busy lately. But really, that's no excuse is it?

Nope.

Well, since the beginning of this year, I've been raising money for the Leukaemia Foundation and organising the Logan Artists Association to get in and help me raise the money to get my head shaved. To date, I've raised over $900! What a great lot of money to raise for a worthy cause!

I've been saving up money for personal needs around the house - like a new vacuum cleaner. My old one - a Black'n'Decker - died a few months back, and so I found one at Godfrey's and thought to save up for it. As fate would have it, Mum hurt herself, and I helped her with the ironing and she paid me for it while I was saving up some of my pension and - before I knew it - I had enough money to get myself this new vacuum cleaner: The Titan 2000. And what a cool little clean it is! It's a bagless, low noise vacuum and it pulled out so much crap out of my carpet, I couldn't believe how much dirt came out of my house!

This has caused me to put away more things, throw out more and organise my place better - all because I got in and vacuumed. How weird is that?

I've also been just throwing things into the new Donation Box by the garage door. It's big, purple and plastic - unlike the cardboard box which looked like it was falling apart. So, I've just been going through my house and tossing things into this bigger box and making decisions about what I need here and what I don't. 
Recently I threw everything from the living room floor into the Donation Box - to clean up the living room - and today I went through it and threw out three-quarters of the stuff in there in the bin; mainly because it's just newspapers and rubbish. The rest of it is donation/charity stuff.

The garden is looking good. It still needs a few things to complete it - like a few pavers and I need to buy some bags of Brunnings garden soil too. Otherwise, it's going well. Maintaining it hasn't cost me too much. I'm happy with it. I've also gotten rid of the Matchstick Tree and the Firestick Tree - mainly because they've taken over the garden and they're highly poisonous. I've also given away my fairy lights to a friend (who gets more sunlight in Winter than I do) and they would look better in her garden. I'm going to opt for the little solar spot lights instead... but I'm getting them when Spring comes around.

I've been also working hard on deciphering my late-Grandfather's diaries. It's not an easy task, seeing how many there are, but it's been a real education on what he did when he was young, how hard he worked and how he really loved Grandma; and what kind of life he led out at Cecil Plains, Allora, Warwick and Toowoomba. What a life my Grandparents led out there. I'm really glad to be doing this. And I'm not doing this just for myself - I'm working together with Mum to get these published for the family to each have a copy.

Well, that's what's been happening lately... along with my hair being donated for wigs this year. Yep, it was long enough! I hope to be writing more soon. Until my next post, take care, stay safe, and remember, I'm always here.

It's May

I'm sorry I haven't posted much. But I've been really not dealing all that well with life lately.

And it's coming up to a year since my dear friend, Hannah, passed away, and it's feeling all fresh again. I hate how I'm feeling but I really am trying to live a better life - as she asked me to before she died last year.

It's been difficult. 

I am writing to her Mum, because nobody else is. And yesterday, I sent her a Mother's Day card. You see, when I visited in 1997, she became more of Mum to me than anyone over in the UK than anyone I visited. Aunt Ethel acted like a strict Grandmother, The Berry's had their own marital problems (and they shone through their happy family charade). And so, when it came to Sue Northedge, I was treated like a daughter in so many ways, she became my Overseas Mum - and I became her Overseas Daughter. 

When Hannah died, I wrote to Sue and told her that I remember she told me that all those years ago; and then I called her and she told me that she hoped I remembered that too. And she's so pleased that I want to keep in touch; as none of Hannah's friends are really talking to her right now. It's really because nobody knows what to say when it's a suicide. And in truth, I don't know what to say either, but at least I'm trying. 

And thus: the Mother's Day Card. She is still a Mum no matter what; whether Hannah is here or not. And Sue has a son too. 

I'm also working on a few written things which aren't fiction... strange that I'm delving into non-fiction for once. And the best thing about this is that it's a family non-fiction thing I'm doing. I'd rather not say too much about it otherwise I'm going to ruin the surprise in the end for the rest of my family. 

Otherwise, I'm back working in the garden, the house is looking good. I've bought a new vacuum cleaner - a bagless one - and I'm donating more things than ever! I have to get some archive boxes in the next week and then put some away in the wardrobe so I can do more cleaning out. 

Wow! What a big weekend I have ahead of me - and it's a long weekend again too! Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Changing Seasons

It's finally beginning to look like Autumn/Fall... and I'm really happy about that! I'm beginning to really enjoy the gym; and getting back into the garden again too.

The first members exhibition at the Logan Artists Association is finished and I picked up my paintings and bought artworks for the house... and I'm getting together some of the things I'm giving away tomorrow on my day out with Elisabeth while I'm hanging out in the living room this arvo.

But today, I went to the gym, chatted to my next door neighbour and then after a shower, I repotted some of the plants in the backyard to get in and start on my maintenance of the garden. It's not going to cost me as much as it did last year - you know, over $300 - but it's just the finishing touches of the whole thing really. I'm looking forward to getting it all done. 

I'm also still knitting the beanie scarf. I'm up to the 3rd colour and; and it's looking great! And man, it's really long! I can't wait to get it finished and wearing it... but all good things take time, right?

Anyway, I'm reading and writing again. I don't know why I was in such a slump, but it's all worked out well. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Rain and Other Funny Things

Well! On Thursday last week, I got my head shaved for the World's Greatest Shave! It was done on the most humid of days, it was on a Thursday (14th, March) and Mum and Dad were there with Ellie the Grand-dog... and we had a great time at InVogue Hair Designers.

Then, that afternoon, we had a huge storm and it poured rain all night.

Okay, then, is that what it takes for Brisbane and half the state of Queensland to get rain? I have to shave off all my long red hair and donate it? I'll have to remember that one the next time Australia goes through a big dry spell again.

Only kidding!

Anyway, I've been busily looking through things, throwing out rubbish and watching my back yard green up over the past 48 hours. And man, have we been getting some big falls too! I'm so glad the rain is here! And it's getting cooler, but I'm all prepared for that too, with warmer hats and beanies - some of which I've made - and other warmer gear too.

But last week, I was out every day, either looking after Ellie, or getting the hair donated, or doing some errands around the place or going to the Logan Artists Association (but that didn't work out, so I came home). 
This week is turning out to be busier than last week, with me having two appointments on almost every day... and I'm hoping to remember them all. 

This weekend has been a good one. I've finally begun writing again. It's a slow start to a new book, but it's something at least. I hope it goes somewhere; as my character is a new one I'm also getting to know. Oh well, let's hope she's a good one. I might pair her up with another one I've written about before and it'll pull the story along into a better dimension. 

How's your week been going? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

A Few Rough Days

Over the past week or so, I've had a bit of rough time. It's been tough getting along into this new year without Hannah in it; but it's even harder to wait out the Writer's Block I have too.

So much is going on this year, and I'm so happy with how fast this year is going so far.

Thus far, my air-conditioner in the home office crapped itself and Dad and I pulled it out and put in a screen to let the air flow through again - and it's been great during the night to have that nice cool air upstairs.

I'm on the fund raising track again for the World's Greatest Shave - and this year, I'm shaving off all my hair and donating it, just like I did 4 years ago. So, by this time tomorrow, I'll have no hair, and it'll be on its way to Melbourne to be made into toupee's, wigs and fringes. 

Today, I was out and about catching up with things and doing small errands around the place when I found a little bird - kind of like a sparrow - sitting on concrete outside the post office. Well, it wasn't looking too happy, panting away there, and I picked it up and decided to look at it.
When it screamed at me but didn't bite me, I knew something was wrong. And when I found there were no fleas on this bird at all, I knew there was something really badly wrong. Fleas - you see - are the one thing which love blood flow. They feed off an animal with blood flow. And when the flow of blood is really low on an animal, they go elsewhere for their food. So, to find no fleas or mites on this bird was a red flag for me. This bird was sick and coming to the end of its life - actually when I looked closer at the bird, I realised it had suffered a huge stroke and was waiting to end its life. 
I made the decision to stay with the bird and make it comfortable, by keeping it cool. When birds have a stroke like this, they can't keep themselves cool, because they don't sweat. So, when we as Humans do this for them, it helps them comfortably die - I know this sounds morbid, but it's not. It stopped panting and I thought to move it into a tree. I couldn't leave him/her alone though. So, even though I put him/her into a lower-most branch, I stayed until it died. You see, it was blind; and so I stayed by so it wouldn't hurt itself. The stroke had blinded this poor little bird completely - as most strokes in little birds do. 
And it's been so hot lately, that a lot of little birds are really suffering from heat stroke and they're suffering from massive strokes too. It's a sad thing to realise this in my busy day of running around, but it's something to keep in mind.

I knew what to do with this little bird because my little budgie suffered a massive stroke in 2012, and I stayed by her until her last moments. It hurts to see a little bird leave this planet, but it does show us Humans that we must make sure we're here in the present moment to help the little animals - to see the smaller things in life - and not to ignore them; which so many people did when I was tending to this tiny bird.

Otherwise, I've been busily working in my garden, thinking of what else I can do for the birds and animals around the area to help them in the heat and during this year. I potted up more new herbs to see me through the Winter (as the other lots had gone to seed) and then? Well, I refilled the water platter for the birds, and thought I might get in and save for a nice one to put in the garden for the birds and animals, one closer to the ground and in the shade. Well, until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.