A Different Year

This year is different somehow, I don't know how, but it is. I've been thinking and feeling different about my life since last October and it's a good feeling.

I'm not sure if you understand how this is, but it's almost as though all my stresses which annoyed and stressed me out last year, have suddenly lifted and I'm able to focus on the main things I have on my plate in my life.

It's a great feeling.

And it's a different year for me.

Last year was a stressful, hard year of loss, mourning and not having any money in my pockets. This year, I'm looking at my life and realising it's got nothing to do with money - it's to do with happiness; and happiness doesn't need money really.

I've got plans and they will take time to work out - a couple of years - and I'm easy with that. It's going to be a good thing for me to slow down, enjoy the path I'm walking for now and enjoy the scenery of my life for the time being. And that's a good change for once, because over the past few years, I've been rushing, running and working hard and fast - been stressed out - to get thing done; and it's not good for me physically or mentally. 
Now, I'm going so well, since I joined a gym and I'm starting to push myself a little harder each week there. I'm feeling so much better, suffering from less headaches and less problems. I'm thinking outside the box more, and it's good.

Seeing I'm looking forward to working away from my home and towards the plans in my life, I'm trying not to let anything bother me anymore - well, yeah, things bother me; if I didn't I wouldn't be human. But it's a learning curve for all of us. 

I'm still enjoying my painting, my reading, my writing, and my gardening. But I'm taking it all at a good pace. I'm painting more than one painting at a time, I'm reading well-written books, I'm eating only when I'm hungry and I'm not watching crappy television shows (let's face it, life is way to short for shit like that). 

It's a different year and I'm going to make it count. So, why don't you? Make your next year count. Do something different each month - each week - to keep yourself happy, active and working forward towards your goals of what you want to do in your life. I may have waited until I was 45 to get my butt into gear, but at least I'm doing what I need to do to get my dreams done. And it might take a year or two to get them off the ground? So be it... I'm a slow-burn kinda person anyway. I'm enjoying each day with vigor, seeing each day as a new way of getting in and cleaning out my house, making room, donating items to a charity, making sure I have thrown out another few bags of rubbish in the bin... yes, it's all working towards my goal, believe it or not. 

So, what's your dream, your goal, your whale? Write it down, plan for it.... and take the steps - not matter how small they start out to be - to walk towards your dream job, or dream achievement in your life. And what your dream may be to you, isn't the same dream for somebody else. So, the people who think your dream isn't good enough, isn't what they think is something you should be doing, well, they aren't the people you should have around you. 

Your dreams are your dreams. 

Plan them. Work toward them. Live them. 

Busy This Month

It's only a week or two into the new year and I'm busy as hell. I've been cleaning out the house on a really major scale - I've thrown out over 5 rubbish bags of just, well, rubbish. And I've gotten together on bag of items to take to the charity store. 

That's so far. 

I've posted off two parcels overseas in the past week or two and have written two letters for overseas as well. One of them is to my late dear friend, Hannah's Mum, Sue. She wants to stay in touch with me via snail mail; and I do as well. She still sees me as her 'overseas daughter' and I still see her as my 'overseas Mum'. 

But the garden is going well, even though we're not getting the amount of rain as we're supposed to be getting. And seeing Brisbane is a little dry right now, I've been doing laundry every moment I get a chance to and putting it out in the extremely hot days; which is good!

My little greenhouse is going so well, and I'm growing herbs and have to get rid of my tomato vine - as once it fruited in December, well, that was it! it flowers, but doesn't fruit anymore. I hate that. But I might try Roma Tomatoes next ... seeing how many I eat of those every year.
The rest of the garden is still a work in progress. I'm forever moving things, repotting things, throwing out plants I no longer need or buying new little ornaments. It's a ever-changing canvas of growth and I love it. It's most definitely not the same garden as it was this time last year.

I've been looking at selling my car and getting another car - one I can use as a camper. You see, I'm really getting into my landscapes and want to be able to get away and paint what I see. My brother and his girlfriend thinks what I want to do is a great idea! But my folks don't. They think I don't know what is involved in setting up a camper... but how do they know if they've never let me do something on my own? I want to do this and nothing will pull me away from what I want to do. I'm in no rush to get my car sold and to get another one; yep I know this will take time to find what I'm looking for. 

I've been working hard on my art series too. And I had a great win lately. I put out into the universe that I needed some big canvases - but I couldn't afford any new ones. So, I've begun saving up for them. The other day, I was contacted by one of my arty friends who offered up some canvases at their place - they were downsizing as they were moving house. When I got there yesterday, I found 2 big canvases! Woah! How cool was that? I told her about what I was visualising for my art and she said that positive thinking really does work! Well, I've now got enough new canvases to complete my series of work. This is one less stress on me now to do with this series. 

Well, that's me up to date. How has your new year started out? Busy like mine? Or humdrum with school holiday fun and pulling it all together for your kids to get back to school? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

A New Year of New Things!

Happy New Year!

Well, if you think last year was a rip-snorter, just wait until you see what's in store for this year!

I'm going to travel... well, okay, maybe not this year exactly, but in the next year I will be. 

I'm planning on getting my car ready to sell and buying myself a Kombi/camper and traveling around around South-East Queensland and painting landscapes of my gorgeous state in every colour I can find in my oils palat! 

So, what do you think? 

I know it'll be difficult to do, and I'll need to be careful out there, but I think it's going to damned well fun as well!

And I've begun planning already... 

So, what are you planning and getting ready to do over the next year? I don't want to hear resolutions - I want to hear what you're doing this year.

Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here!

What A Year!

Welcome to my yearly newsletter! 

Yes... it's been quite a year of great things, not so great things and some interesting developments; and all over 12 months!

Okay - are you ready for this crazy roller coaster right to get underway? No? Well, neither am I, let's strap in and hope and pray it's not too bad, okay?

Well, from January through to April, I hung out with my best friend, and wonderful ginger-sister, Tutasi Wesley-Tufuga. We had the best time while she was visiting here from the USA, even though the heat wasn't really treating her the best. And she spent Christmas here too. We had Thursday's out op-shopping and enjoyed coffee at Simply Beans together chatting and gossiping together... what a great time we had. We're best friends!

While I was doing that, I was also attending my second year of art school at the Logan Artists Association. Mondays were when my classes were on and I returned from the coast with a great idea for my year in my class. I wanted to paint a series of paintings of Brunswick Heads and have an exhibition to sell them all! My teacher told me that it was a good idea, but it took me time to pick out my first painting... yep, I took a lot of photos over the 2017 time I was at the coast.

In February, it was my Dad's birthday and I had made Mango-cello for is birthday present. He loved it, but it backfired as I didn't use a strong enough vodka to make it... the whole batch fermented and we had to chuck it all out. Bummer... oh well, guess you live and learn, right? But I started knitting big this month, painting big too, and my brother and his partner spent 2 weeks in Japan - very cool!

March was me being op-shop crazy! I donated a lot of stuff and bought a lot of op-shop things. And it was a great time of year to be op-shopping - even to browse. I also got my hair coloured for the World's Greatest Shave and raised a little over $100... next year, my hair will be long enough to shave and that's where I raise the most money!

In April, my ginger-sister, Tutasi headed back home. I was going to miss her badly. And the day after she went home, I was going into hospital for day surgery - at the time she had offered to help me out to look after me so my Mum didn't have to. Unfortunately, the best laid plans usually go astray.  

Oh man... May was the worst month this year. I lost one of the most wonderful people in my life I've ever known. Hannah Northedge, a jazz singer who I've known since I was 9 years old, killed herself; after months of me trying to help her from the other side of the planet. Yep, I was here in Australia and she was in the UK and we would chat over Facebook, but she wouldn't let me phone her. I really had a bad case of the guilts for a long time and have been in therapy about her death. I still have moments where it all feels really fresh. 

June had me finishing off a scrap scarf, pulling apart my garden some of the first few weeks of Winter and getting in and working on getting a greenhouse for my garden. A new stereo system was installed into the car - as the original one was stuffed - and I just kept myself incredibly busy as hell so I didn't think about Hannah at all... easy to do when you have a lot of things to do normally around your life. I also put on the very first Vintage Clothing Day in honour of Hannah Northedge on 5th June - the day she was laid to rest; seeing they really don't know when she died, only the day they identified her (which was Star Wars Day... I'm not going to ruin that day). If you missed out this year, I'm doing Vintage Clothing Day next year... don't worry, it'll be on Facebook as a public event.

July and August had me in my garden most of the time, organising it, cleaning it up, throwing out plants and making it into a useful and pretty place - all ready for the coming Spring and Summer months. I also joined a gym to get myself fit and healthy so I could lose some of the jiggled I hated about myself and gain some muscle I needed. 

September was Mum's Birthday. But we couldn't get together and have it as my brother's family were really sick - so we got together and had a party a week or so later at their house. I brought the vinyls and my brother and his partner pulled together a Japanese feast of grand proportions! It was a great night! Also in September, I bought myself my birthday presents of 2 sets of shelves from Stratco, and started working on new paintings in my own style away from the classes I have been taking at the LAA on Monday's.

October was a busy month for me. As I said before, we had Mum's Birthday this month for good reasons. Then, we had my birthday this month too. The day before my birthday, I was booted from my art class by the teacher. We had a disagreement about style and how things were done in my paintings - basically, he didn't like it that I didn't paint exactly like he did. So, I was out... I made an official complaint to the LAA committee and they've dealt with him. 
I got to mind my brother's dog, Ellie. Such a sweetheart she is. And then Halloween came around and nobody dropped by my place for any lollies... it just doesn't happen in a unit complex, not even if you dress up the house, so I didn't bother. 
I had dinner at my folks' house - a first ever for me. I found a Bush Turkey in my back yard - and scared the crap out of it enough that it never came back. I harvested my first Black Cherry Tomatoes and I began knitting and making Christmas presents... wow, yep, a busy month.

November saw me going on the Logan Art Gallery Christmas Party to Toowoomba. We had a great time, lost somebody (they had a bad sense of direction) and found them again, then we roasted and came home... what a great day. I bought a necklace I haven't taken off since then of a sterling silver archer's arrow. 
I spent time down the coast at Brunswick Heads, started a painting down there, went to the Tweed River Art Gallery and enjoyed my time with Mum. We made a toilet stop at a small town famous for its sugar mill... and when I opened the sweet aroma of molasses hit our noses! I was amazed! We had pulled into the car park of the bowls club and when I went inside the place, it looked like it hadn't left the 70's; right down to the toilets. Talk about stepping back in time! Well, at least I was dressed well enough. 

This month of December has been huge. I've been to 2 morning teas in 1 day. Have got artwork in 2 different art galleries and I'm still working hard on my series of paintings of Brunswick Heads. I've begun attending another art group, but it's a social group which gathers on Tuesdays, now and it $15 cheaper than the other class I was kicked out of. Not a bad deal, seeing it gets me out of my house. 
Christmas is just next week and I've got all my presents fixed up. I've learned how to wrap all my presents in cloth in the Japanese way of wrapping called Furoshiki - which I'm still getting the hang of - and I've just been to the optometrist today to find out why my left eye was bothering me. He's got all my glasses to upgrade all the lenses for me. 

Yep, this year has been huge for me... Hannah's 44th Birthday has just been. I'm going to stay in touch with her Mum through the mail and I'm looking forward to next year where I've got many other things to get myself into. Yeah, this year was my turning point year... lots got done, at home as well as in the world, and I'm not done yet - not by a long shot. I know I haven't been on this blog as much as I should have been - and now you know why.

So, I hope you all stick around the see what's going to happen next year for me. I do have plans, they're going to work out and yeah, they'll take time to do. Until my next post, take care, stay safe this Christmas season and remember, I'm always here.

Christmas-Time

It's a week into December, and I have yet to put up my tree and decorations. Well, okay, I've got up the streamers on the trees outside, but nothing inside the house yet. 

But today, I moved everything in the lounge after breakfast so I can put up the tree this arvo and get into it well and truly. However, this year, I think I'll be taking the door off the stereo system, as it gets in the way, and besides, the glass is broken in it now. So, the door coming off is best. I'll store the door somewhere safely until such time I can get the glass replaced. 

Otherwise, today is the day I'm getting in and clearing up the house to put up the Christmas decorations. Some of it started yesterday, where I put away things, and moved some things around the place; and this morning, it's cool enough to get in and move more from where the tree usually stands. I have put away my painting box, some other things, have had to move the clothes horse into the kitchen and removed some dvds I want to watch over Christmas and NYE. So... this arvo, I'll be all ready to work on the tree.

Yep, I'll have the Christmas Carols on vinyl going and the living room filled with decorations... oh the fun of pulling out the things I use only once a year from storage! Yay! But this year, I have fairy lights I'll be installing for around the living room window. So, they'll be going in before the tree, I think and I'll make sure they shine outside ... I hope it looks good.

I've hand-made most of my gifts this year and will op-shop some of them too. Otherwise, I'll be op-shopping only a few of them for my brother and Dad. As for wrapping them? Well, I'm using the Japanese fabric wrapping design this year. It's a kinder way of wrapping, and nothing goes to landfill - yes, you reuse the fabric. If you'd like to find out more, you can look on YouTube about it all - it's the most relaxing thing you'll see ever! I thought it'd be stressful to watch, but really, it's not. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here. 

A Week Away...

I spent the last week on holidays at Brunswick Heads. Now, it was different to other times because I headed down there in November instead of December, I took along my painting gear and it was at a time of year when almost nobody was there until the last day or two before I left.

But I squeezed in a lot of things to do before I came home.

The day I arrived - the Sunday - I called a wonderful friend of mine who was in the Byron Central Hospital to see if she'd like a visitor. You see, Sue Notary told me to give her a call and she and I could meet up a week or two beforehand; but she fell ill and ended up in hospital with respiratory problems. Well, I called her mobile and she said she'd love to see me... and seeing I'd never been to that particular hospital (and I don't normally visit people in hospitals because I get lost in them and I'm not a big fan of the places). We stayed a few hours and headed back to the van for dinner.

On the Monday, I was up early and out and about walking around town to join up with a sing-a-long group we had spotted in the choir the night before. It was a great time for everyone there; but it would have been better if the organiser had written down how much it was in the newspaper instead of me finding out afterwards. 
But I had a great day out walking around the centre of town taking photos of the place with my tablet and having ice coffee and buying gorgeous things as souvenirs from 'Whatever' - my usual haunt every year when I go to Brunswick Heads. I bought myself another bedspread and I got to thinking that I might get in and buy a nice selection of them so I can use them over Summer... about 6 or so and my bed will look lovely over that season when I have to wash the sheets, I'll wash the bedspread I'm using. 

Well, on the Tuesday, I worked on a painting I had taken a photo of with my tablet and thought to make a day of it... the weather was lovely and cool and I really didn't want to leave my landscape painting alone. So, I stuck around the caravan and painted for the day. 
That night, we went out to the Brunswick Heads Bowls Club for Trivia Night. And what a time we had... but the meals were a little on the expensive side. Our team came last, but that didn't matter, we had fun with just Mum, Dad and me in it. 

On the third day in, Wednesday, Mum and I went out to have a look at op-shops. I jumped at the chance to go; mainly because normally these shops are closed over the time I'm there later in the school holidays. So, we jumped in the car and took off to the three around Brunswick Heads and then, we headed into Mullumbimby to hit their op-shops - but they only have two and one of them was closed. Before we went opshopping, we had lunch at The Middle Pub. This place is one of the oldest pubs in Mullumbimby; and has a huge lot of historical things and pictures inside it.
Before long, we had looked at the one op-shop which was open and looked around the other stores which caught our eye and then it was time to have a coffee - as it was not only really hot, but we really needed to recharge! So, Mum took me to The Empire Cafe & Bar to do that... and what a place! It's got the best ice coffees I've ever tasted! Before long, I had taken the photos I needed and bought a few things and it was time to get back to the van; as we spotted some ominous clouds starting to come over the back of the township. 

Thursday saw Brunswick Heads start out with a cool change. It was overcast, cold and windy and I took the opportunity that morning and raced out to get some great atmospheric photographs on the tablet. About an hour or so after I came back to the van, a windy, thundery storm hit with plenty of rain and spats of lightning. But it didn't stay... almost as soon as it hit, the clouds moved away and the skies cleared and the humidity moved in too. The trademark Brunswick Heads Summer Day returned! Mum and I jumped at the chance and we took off to the Tweed River Art Gallery to have afternoon tea and look around this wonderful gallery up in the hills of Murwillumbah. I bought two pairs of funny artsy socks and a lovely notebook for Mum, the latter of which I had gift-wrapped for her. I gave it to my Mum as a thank you for taking me places and paying for things for me. 

Friday saw me hanging out at the caravan, writing my NaNoWriMo and reading a bit of a book I had brought with me (and hadn't had a chance to read) and having a mud crab sandwich. Yes, Friday was a chill-out day. It was also a day where I organised myself with packing a little. I made sure all my books were packed that night, that all my clothes were folded, my shoes were in their bag, my chargers were in their place... yep, I was organised to leave Bruns and go home. 

Saturday morning saw me leaving Brunswick Heads later in the morning rather than early. I caught up with a local lovely lady, Joan, who my family had known since I was little. She and I chatted for about half and hour. I was on my way to get some milk at the service station and I dropped into her permanent van on the way through, but I forgot to text Mum that I was there... oops! Anyway, we chatted and she told me that there were going to be huge lot of changes in the park over the next year - but she'd believe it when she saw it. 
Well, a lot of things were talked about between us, and before I knew it I had to get going. Mum, Dad and I had breakfast, and coffee and then we had to swap the cars over (yeah, the new managers were picky about getting in a second car into the sites for any amount of time) and then I was off! 
It took me around 2 hours to get home - with a break at a BP truck stop at South Ormeau which I really needed. And just as well, I hit some big traffic on the way home at Daisy Hill. I'm glad to be home.

Six Months

It's six months since my wonderful friend in the UK died, and I've been in denial. I'm finally getting help for my grief and working with people on Beyond Blue website - who have been wonderful by the way. They have let me talk about things I can't talk about with my family and let me talk about how badly I've felt in the past months.

This is good.

I've changed in a lot of ways over the last six months as well. 

I've stopped worrying about decluttering my house at an enormous rate. It's not something of importance to me anymore. What's important is my mental health right now; and that I'm happy within myself. 

I think a lot of people are not happy with themselves in this world, and they don't know how to express themselves. This is a big problem. With the technology we have right at our fingertips, we find it difficult to get away from the computer screens, Netflix and the glowing blue screens in our hands. We hide behind them to guard our feelings and it's not as safe as we think.

I've been getting out more of late, and I've also been talking to a lot more people away from my computer lately as well.

At the last Logan Art Gallery Christmas Party, I talked to a lot more people than I normally did in the past. I sat with different people at morning tea and talked to them, letting them know what I was like - instead of sitting quietly writing poetry or on my phone checking my emails. At lunch, I sat with a completely different lot of people than I did last year. So, I got to talk to more of the other volunteers I don't normally work with. 

This is a good thing for me. 

I've been cooking more of my spaghetti sauce for myself and freezing it in meal-sized portions and enjoying different types of food - vegetarian food - and enjoying old movies from the 80's on Netflix and loving my vinyls more. I've been hanging out with my older brother more too. And I've found out that he's been trying to find a way to connect with me for years; and I've never known it. I asked him why he didn't tell me that, we could have worked on that sooner. 

I'm still sad about what's happened in my life. But I've changed things in my life greatly to make things work better. I've started going to the gym, and worked in the garden. I'm more giving and kind to complete strangers at the store - and expect nothing in return. 
Within six months, I have found that my life has completely changed for the better. I'm not as closed off and hard as I used to be. I'm becoming more generous, less stressed out and am working to be a better person. 

It's Been A While...

I thought to pop in and let you know I'm going okay, really. I've been reading, painting, writing and watching the garden come into itself.

I have also totally enjoyed my first few sessions of the Tuesday Social Classes at the Logan Artists Association. There's no big egos there and the people are lovely. We hang out, paint, talk, laugh and then eat lunch and shoot the breeze.

Yep, we're all just people on planet Earth - that's it.

I do have my bad days where I hear a song, see something online or just think about my dear friend and I still fall apart - but that's what grieving is about; dealing with it all. But I'm through the denial stage, which is one of the hardest parts of it. 

I've been sorting through my stuff lately... throwing out and giving away things again and getting back into making things for my family for Christmas. Now, I have my niece and my Sister In Law covered... the people I don't have covered is my brother, and my parents. How weird is that? Looks like I'll have to go op-shopping and see what I can find for them, right? 

But the garden is going so well! I'm still battling the mystery of the pooping local cat (yeah, it's still using every pot around the place as a kitty litter - talk about yuk!) and I'm spreading curry powder around to make it sneeze and run. Gotta get cayenne peppers to really make that cat go... burning its nose. Worked last time.

Well, that's my news today and for now... until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Depression

I've been acting... making out things are fine, when they're not - and it's all caught up with me.

This is a bad thing to do.

Yesterday, my mind caught up with me and I mentally fell down and couldn't get up. 

It's only been 6 months since my childhood friend took her own life; and I hid from my grief. I hid in my garden and renovated the crap out of it... and when I ran out of money and the weather got too hot, when I had to stop and look around,when I couldn't hide in the garden anymore, I ... fell down.

I had to take in reality.

I haven't written anything to do my fictional worlds which is more than 2,000 words since May of this year. I can barely get out a poem - not even a sonnet or a ballad - and yet reading has become an alien planet to me. I walk into my home library and I just want to throw out all of my books and have an empty room.

But I know it's not me who is really thinking that. It's grief. It's depression. It's that horrible nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that I could have saved her - it's name is Guilt. 

I couldn't have saved Hannah. 

If I flew to the UK and tried to help her, what else would I have done? Been shattered over there, as much as I am here, that's what.

National Novel Writing Month is coming up in a week or two and I'm hoping to push through my inability to work and make myself write 50,000 words. I have to get myself through this drought of words and get back into my fictional worlds again... I miss the characters, the way it all works, my fun trips there and back.

Depression has many faces - and reality can make it crush your world. Mine has been crushed after so many months hiding from it; and now, I need time to work on how to live without my dear friend.

Rain

Over the past week, it's been raining a lot... and we really do need it! But after the first 48 hours, I really became bored with it all.

My lawn grew 10cm in what seemed overnight, and I found I could only do laundry in small lots - because I only have the clothes horse to use to dry my clothes. Yep, the rain is starting to interfere with my life.

But I've been looking at what paintings can be done next; writing down the titles of them in a book I've got sitting in my living room; and making sure it all sorted out for the next few months. I'm really looking forward to making my exhibition of works about Brunswick Heads really worthwhile. 

NaNoWriMo is coming up in the next few weeks, and I have to clean up the home office and put away anything I'm not currently using around the place. This means, making the place messy before it gets tidy again... which isn't a bad thing, so long I follow through. And in this dreary weather, I find that kind of hard to do.
Well, I'm also cleaning up the living room so I can chill out in between the time I'm writing and anything else I need to get done in the house during November. I won't be much of a social butterfly - not that I'm one now - and I'm hoping to work on my next book easily, now I have done some research and have my books near me too.

The good thing is that I'm not worried over the garden anymore. Yeah I was concerned that it wasn't going to grow much because we weren't getting any rain. But now, we've got so much rain, it's all growing so fast! I'm pleased with how it's going, and now we just need some sunshine to make the photosynthesis to work properly - yep, the circle of life to work out! And the best thing is that my first crop of Black Cherry Tomatoes have been harvested today.

Over the next week or two, I'll be cooking up large batches of food and freezing meal-sized containers of them. This is so next month, I can just defrost one and not be worried about cooking something when I've been writing for a good part of the day next month. It'll be good to have it all on hand and ready to eat.

Otherwise, I'm hoping to get myself a new stylus for my turntable soon. It's going to work out in the next week or so, hopefully. I can't wait to get back in and play vinyls again as I really do miss playing them. The radio isn't much fun - there's way too many adverts on it. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.