Spring Cleaning

It's August and it's time for the big Spring Clean! Just like last year, I've gotten in and started cleaning out the bigger things in the house - you know, the mattress of my bed, and tossing out some things in my house I've been walking past and ignoring.

However, this year, there's a big difference in my life. I've been going to a great gym - and loving it - and I'm looking around at making the house less cluttered in the huge sense of the word. It's gotta be more useful, better cared for and I have to be able to lay my hands on everything I want to use. 

And so, starting in the backyard, I cleaned up out there, got myself a greenhouse, replaced the batteries in the solar lights and reseeded the lawn. Now, it's a matter of making the art side of the garden look and feel better and more beautiful. 

I'm saving up money for a shelving unit in the house so I can get in and use it for my art gear; and other items from around the house - like the esky I have in my kitchen and the food processor which is hiding in the cupboard so I can get around to using it! - and then I'll be able to house my art books more effectively as well. 

Just the other night, I decluttered the living room because I couldn't stand to look at the crap around the place any longer... by 11pm, I had thrown out big bag of rubbish which had been sitting around the place. And seeing I've gotten into that, I'm looking into making sure I do get that shelving unit for myself as a birthday gift. I'll be giving away the skinny little bookcase to family once I've cleaned it up and made sure it's okay to travel. 

But that's the thing. I'm going to make sure the house is nice; and the place has the things in it so I can get to them, they're useful and only of use to me. I'm not going to hang onto anymore shit anymore. If I don't use it in a year, it's either going in the bin or being donated. 

Yeah, it's going to be a one hell of a Spring Clean for me. Well, what are you up to for your Spring Clean? Do you do a Spring Clean every year? Today, I've gotten in and cleaned the sheets, the mattress protector and pillow protectors and then, cleaned the mattress itself... big jobs to get done, but they needed to get done - and the mattress is done twice a year. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

A New Chapter

I know I've been down in the dumps over the past few months. However, there's something new happening on my horizon soon... and the death of my friend has pushed me to turn a corner in my life.

Yep, I've decided to start a new chapter in this here book of my life; something which will give a positive spin on what has been a sad thing. 

Well, I've been to the local gym three times this past week and half; and every time I've totally enjoyed myself! This morning, it was a very chilly 6 degrees celsius and I didn't want to get out of bed, but I pushed myself at 7:30am and made myself go to the gym. Pretty soon, I won't be able to wait to get my butt there! It will be a matter of me getting up as early as possible and getting in there to get my gym hour done and dusted and home again for a good healthy breakfast to get on with my day! 

The back yard it looking nice and leveled out now - as I've used 4 bags of cheap-ass potting mix on a dipping part of it before sprinkling grass seed over it and then watering it in heavily. And today, I added Seasol into the water to help it all along!

I'm looking forward to this new chapter of my life opening up more; as I work on how new things - no matter how difficult they are, or how unusual they may be - cause me to make changes to my life. I know I don't like change, but making the smallest changes to my life can - and will - turn out to be the best ones in the long run. 

Have you changed something small in your life recently, and it's changed your outlook completely? If you have, let us know about it.Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Positive Actions

It's just hit the three month mark since my dear friend passed away; and I'm seriously struggling with her death. I really miss her being in my life - even though she lived so far from me.

But it's the little things which really bug me and cause me to remember her when I least expect them to; the tiny little memories of her which come out of the woodwork when I'm minding my own business and doing other things which have nothing to do with her, which cause me to remember her the most.

I get this feeling of dread come over me when I'm reminded that she's no longer with us, in this realm... on planet Earth. This is a horrible feeling to have; and I wish it would go away. But I know it will take time.
At first I was numb and felt as though my world had caved in on itself - and this is normal. I mean, Hannah had killed herself. This isn't the Natural Order of things, which is something I believe in, and I feel as though Hannah has gone against this completely. I still think what she's done is wrong, even though her pain would have been impossible to live with for her. 

So, positive actions must be taken on my part to make this all work out, to help me get through my grief. And so, what I've been doing is fixing up my backyard and making it into something I can be happy with, making it grow into a lovely, private thing to live in. 

The next thing I've thought to do is to join a gym and get myself fit and healthy. Seeing I'm relatively healthy with what I eat, and am sleeping okay for now, I'd like to be physically healthy as well. So, that's something I've been looking into lately. And over the past week, I've joined a gym on a trial membership to see how I go with it over the next month. I think I'm going to like it there... sure it'll be hard, but that's what life is: a challenge.

There are other future plans for me to get into as well. I have the War On Waste Challenge - which has returned for another season on the ABC; and once the garden is all fixed up, I'll be right into my decluttering again and looking at only what I need in the house. Being focused through the gym will help me with that - a lot of things will be leaving my house and I'll be ready to move away from here at some point in the future. 

These are positive actions which are going to help me with my life. It's true that I hate what has happened in the past 3 months - losing a wonderful friend like Hannah to suicide is the worse thing I'd ever though would happen to me - but I must move on and get myself healthy, keep my mind on track and make sure I'm don't let depression rule my life. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

What a Busy Month!

Wow! I seriously thought I was going to be able to get back in here and let you all know what was going on at some point, but after the successful work going on in my garden, I just seem to get into a roll of jumping into it whenever I saw money in my bank account and forgot to talk about anything going on.

Plus, we had a few freaky things going on around the unit complex which I didn't know how to approach. But gotta tell ya, if you know anyone who's addicted to ice, you'll know how freaky-scary it is to hear them flip out. However, we had two of them in the unit complex and every neighbour I saw was peaceful and hard-working became as scared as I am. I started wondering if my car was going to be in one piece or would I be woken up by my smoke alarm or loud noises outside my window late at night. Yeah I slept pretty light - and there were some nights I didn't sleep at all; not until the wee hours of the morning.

Now, just over last weekend just gone, we got some silence in the place, and the we all managed to sleep the whole night through. But we can still feel the tension in the place... as though we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think we're all going to be like this for a while.

But my backyard is looking great! I've got another month to go until it's all finished - and that includes working on my front garden a little to perk it up too. And in the next month, I'll have to get in and work on the lawn; leveling it out, making it grow and then once it's all done, I'll look at putting in nice stepping stones to set off the new look. Those will stay here when I move out, so they offset the nice lawn and make the garden area look and feel homey and cute.

Otherwise, art class is going really well and I'm at the pointy end of The Brunswick Picture House. I really want to work on the signage of it, but Aaron wants me to wait. However, he's always taught me to bring everything forward in a painting at the same time; not leave anything behind. Oh well, I'll leave the sign and let him ask me why I left it for so long. Yeah, this has happened before. 

Since Hannah's death, I've had a few bad days. There's times where I'll see something or hear somebody sing like her and I'll feel awful that I couldn't help her when she really needed me. But then, I'll remember that no matter what, I couldn't have helped her at all with anything in her life. She wasn't letting anyone near her over there, so how would she allow me near her? Many other people who are her friends have been asking the same questions about it all too - coming up with the same answers. 

This month, we've had some of the coldest weather - and I've loved every minute of it! But we've also had some of the driest weather too... which means our farmers are in drought. I'm only hoping they get some relief when the Summer months come around. It's one of the driest Winters we've had; as Winter is normally not only a time for the cold, but we also get a bit of rain too. In August, we get those horrible Westerly Winds - which makes it even colder for us and makes the flu bite us worse! 

Well, I hope I've come through this year unscathed from the colds or flus - as I have yet to catch any (touch wood!) and it'd be good to not catch anything this year. Well, I can dream, can't I? Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Going Organic

Since I started working on my garden in the past month, I've been seriously looking at what I'm eating - and looking at labels more closely as well.

And ... well, you wouldn't believe how much salt and sugar is in a lot of things we put in our shopping trolleys. 

So, I've been slowly going organic in my home. First it was me installing the green house (which I'll be saving up for a bigger one to be able to grow veggies and other fruits so I can save myself money each pay) and I've begun growing the herbs and a Black Cherry Tomato vine in there - it's looking great! 

Now, I've planted out some garlic - which will take a year to harvest. I don't mind; as I'm a patient person when it comes to plants. 

So, seeing I'm the type of person who loves to cook all my meals from scratch, it's something I've begun to look at when I'm shopping. I've gotten into eating ketchup - and not the ordinary one, but the organic one. Sure it's a little more expensive, but it's worth it too! It has less sugar and no salt in it; and I read the ingredients as well. 

It's amazing when you go organic in your diet... everything changes - you eat less junk food (even though you do eat it, and know it's there, you don't eat as much of it as before). You drink more water and tea. You sleep so much better than you ever did before; and you have so much more energy as well. 

All of this takes time to happen, but it happens. However, when it's only you doing it, it becomes difficult to go anywhere where nobody else is eating organic foods; as they think everything is organic when it may not be. I know this sounds like I've joined a cult - but read the back of everything you buy (believe me, I've had to in my life of being allergic to a lot of things in food) and you'll find out there's a lot of additives in food you never knew existed. 

Going organic is great - but it's not cheap. What makes it cheap is when you start growing your own food, herbs and cooking everything from scratch... that's when you see how long it takes to do things, like make a pizza. The dough takes around an hour - and the pizza establishments put sugar in their dough to make you eat more; but when you make it at home, there's no sugar in the recipe. It just tastes wonderful all on its own. 
If we all grew our own herbs and veggies and made time to cook everything we ate, I think we'd be a little more healthier, the big shopping centres will have to support the better way of living and there'd be more fruit and veggie markets around. 

But seeing that's in a world of another universe where none of that exists, I guess we'll have to start off small and work on this together, one person at a time. I'll do my bit, but if you wish to join in and 'go organic', that's entirely up to you. You have to stick with it though - and yes, there's an upside to it:

You lose weight.
You enjoy fresh food more.
Cooking becomes something of a love.
You look at your garden differently.
Shopping is a whole new experience - not a nice one.

I have been changing the way I live for years - slowly moving my tastes from Cadbury's Chocolate to Lindt Chocolate... from sweet and creme-filled biscuits to gluten-free seaweed biscuits. From margarine, to nut oil spreads to good, old-fashioned butter. It's taken me time to learn to use Olive Oil and butter in my cooking and not sunflower oil or any other types of oil... it just tastes so much different and better. 

And going organic shows in my blood test results. My sugars are a steady 4.6. My cholesterol is high (but that's my medication do that bad crap) but my lifestyle has kept it from doing anything awful to me. My weight has stopped yo-yoing all over the place. I'm going well for somebody in my mid-40's, when I thought I'd be a complete mess... and I'm not. 
Don't get me wrong, I have had times when I do fall off the healthy, organic ways and munch into some of the worse food around - and I did it recently when a friend of mine took her own life - and I felt awful. I didn't sleep, I felt sick and I put on weight from it all. So, within a few weeks, I jumped back in and worked my way into taking care of myself again even more than before because I'm still grieving and feeling her loss even more than ever now I'm finding myself singing (she was a singer) and enjoying the music more than ever too... and keeping to the good eating way of life is best.

Going organic isn't a cult, it's taking care of yourself in the right way. I call it 'Living Like My Grandparents' because it is. It's living and eating the food, making the meals, drinking leaf tea and full-cream milk and cream and butter the way it used to be. It's getting outside and working in the garden every weekend. It's going for an afternoon walk every day to see the day out - no matter what the weather - and it's keeping yourself away from the takeaway food which is clogging up our arteries and making us sick. 

Let's stop making ourselves sick and go back to eating like our Grandparents did. If you look back into the 1940's - 1970's, you won't see a single overweight person in photos or films. They ate burgers, pizzas and other junk food, but it was all without the crap we have in it today. They didn't sit in front of computers and they worked out, walked and swam, enjoyed dancing and going out to dance halls (and by the way, where are those big dance halls today - oh that's right, the governments have destroyed them all!). The kids went out to roller skating rinks and enjoyed life... and that's how life should be: organic in every way.  

Visitors and A Full Saturday

Yesterday, my brother and his girlfriend came over to my townhouse for a visit. It was great to see them; as I don't have visitors normally, and least of all my family. 

You see, I do enjoy my townhouse, but I'm very embarrassed about the townhouse complex I live in... it's rare for me to invite people to my place because of the suburb the complex is in and how my neighbours act in it; and yesterday was no different. When my brother and his girlfriend showed up, they scored a parking spot at the back (only just because it was full with cars) and somebody new was moving in a couple of doors down and had parked in front my next door neighbour's place... well, another neighbour did his pills while I stood there embarrassed that my family had to see this side of my neighbour. 
Then, the poor new neighbour asked me where he could park. I told him that there was a car park down the front just inside the gate or there was car park just at the end. But he was convinced there wasn't - a lot of people don't know about the end car park because they're never shown the back one. My brother told him to drive around to the back, following the drive around he'd find it - and he did, got lost and came back, parking his car back in front of his unit. 

During this time, my brother and his girlfriend had coffee with me while my brother install wifi and Netflix... all exciting and new in my home. However at first, I didn't want it - the wifi, yeah, but the Netflix, not really. But when I saw how many shows were on there, and what I didn't need to pay for or save up for with dvds, well, I thought it might be a good thing after all.

While we were having something to eat, we chatted about the townhouse and how long I've lived here for and what has happened since I moved in. And I said that this place has reverted back to what it was when I moved in over 15 years ago - it hasn't improved or moved forward as many places would; and I don't want to live here anymore. They get it, and my brother said it's time for the townhouse to get evaluated, I told him I did that last year and because of its position, and the work done on it over the years, it's worth more than it was when it was bought years ago. 

While my brother was on my computer, his girlfriend asked me about the terrarium on the table and how I got it grow properly, and I told her the ingredients which go into terrariums; and that I'd love to have more room in a house to have another two or three - but I just simply don't. I have another one in my bedroom and that's it. But I do enjoy building them, they're just adorable - but the most expensive part is the container.
Then she asked me about my dish drainer and where I bought it. Well, I tried to remember exactly which kitchen store I bought it and the only thing I did remember was the it was a place on Compton Road, and she had to Google for it and showed me a few kitchen places and we finally found it. 
After we all had something to eat, set up my account for Netflix and got it all sorted out and I chose a show to see if it worked out (which was Gilmore Girls - A Year Of) my brother could see I was going to setting in and watch the show. Then asked his girlfriend if she watched The Gilmore Girls and she said 'Yeah I used to watch it... it's a great show.' I said I loved it until it went off the air and they made the year of the Gilmore Girls but didn't put it on free to air and I was bummed that it was only on Foxtel. 

Well, we went out to the garden where I had been doing so much work, and my brother was stunned at how much changed in it. I told him there was plants I found were taking over the garden too much and I really needed a change. They both loved it that I was growing garlic and that I had gotten myself a greenhouse and took a look around in it. I offered up the spare herbs and his girlfriend took them off my hands - saying they'd plant them out and use them! I said they were from Bunnings and were the $3.00 ones... I didn't see much point in letting them die if somebody else could have them. 

Before long, they were off and it started raining less than 10 minutes after they left - good hard rain too! I watched 3 seasons of 'The Gilmore Girls' and then ate dinner. Chatted to my Mum and Dad on the phone about the Netflix and then thought that I might have to talk to my ISP about how much download I've got... see if the Netflix will take up. It might be a lower download than I think. I'll have to see. Well, that was Saturday, I totally enjoyed my day, but I was stuffed by 10pm as I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep the night before - no thanks to a weirdo who bashed and crashed around for an hour at 1:30am, and when I called the cops (which I am sure everyone else did too) they told me off for calling triple 0 because the guy had a reputation for flipping out and destroying things around him. 
Well, I zonked at 10pm and only woke about twice in the night to roll over... the alarm woke me and I'm well-rested now. Another good night's rest and I'll be ready to tackle the next week. 

Yep, this weekend is full. I'm chilling out today on here, and enjoying my time online and I'll see what I want to watch. Television to me is something I watch in the late-afternoon and evening, it's not a daytime thing. I don't use it all the time to while away my day. Well, until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Stress Relief

It's been almost 2 months since my friend Hannah died, and almost a month since her service; and I've gotten right into fixing up the garden in a huge way. I've spent every pay packet on something big in it and normally I wouldn't. 

I think this is way to deal with my loss, and it's also a way to deal with my stress as well.

What do you think?

Over the past month, I've installed a greenhouse, repotted a lot of plants, given my folks two Agapanthus (they flower purple, so that's going to look wonderful this Summer) and I've dug out my late-Pop's tomato seeds to plant before Spring.

I haven't spent this much time in the garden since Little Miss Stevie died in 2012; so really I think it's my way of dealing with a great loss in my life. And my garden is looking so much different now things have been moved around and the greenhouse has been installed as well!

Also, I haven't been posting in here as often as I want to; but things will be changing soon... I will be getting in and talking more about life, how much it's changed and what I've been up to - as my social life has changed a lot as well. 

Anyway, if you'd like to see a more detailed post about my garden, you can go to the blog about - as I keep a blog about my garden now, and there's a good album about it on Facebook as well on My Private Little Garden. If you're not currently a member on that public site, just ask, and I'll let you in - no problems. Well, until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Nineteen Years

It's been 19 years since I escaped an abusive relationship and the other side of Brisbane and came back home to my family. I was only with my ex-boyfriend for 9 months, but it was the longest 9 months of my life! 

He used to beat me, leaving bruises on my hands and arms. But when people started noticing them, he began to mentally abuse me - and believe me, that is so much worse because nobody sees those scars but you and your shrink. He also raped me when he'd get home after a really late night at work and I was in bed sleeping... which was horrendous, and I would never wish on any of my worst enemies.

He was what I call 'A Jekyll and Hyde' guy... yeah you know the one where you never know who you're gonna wake up with in the morning; or who's coming home to you at night after work. Is he going to be a nice guy to you or a complete arsehole and throw his dinner against the wall like a 3-year-old having a tantrum? Is he going to be romantic and bring home flowers and take you out to dinner and tell you to get all dressed up just for him? Will he let you go out with your friends, only to explode at you when you arrive home an hour later than you promised to? And when you do, he goes and destroys something you love... like your favourite cd or a shirt you've brought home from overseas or he flushes your medication down the toilet because he thinks you don't need it. Yep, this is a Jekyll and Hyde... not the person you want be around; and the type you're always walking on eggshells around.

The worst thing he did was get me pregnant, then when I miss-carried, he blamed me for it; calling me a 'cancer on society' - jeez, I'll never forget those words for as long as I live. I knew when he said that it was the beginning of the end of the relationship. But the end of it was when he cheated on me with a man... yes, you read right.

Not long after that, I fell apart on a friend over the phone and she ordered me to call my Dad and my family organised to get me out of that place at Auchenflower here in Brisbane, and back home where I belonged.

It's been 19 years since I lived that nightmare and now I've got my life on track. I'm stablised with my Epilepsy. I'm at art school and doing really well. I'm enjoying working in my garden and the best thing ever is that I'm now back driving a car! Yay! It's the best thing I've achieved ever!

Now, you're probably wondering why I'm writing about my abusive relationship here... well, it's because on Prince Ea's Facebook page, he put up a video about not allowing abusive relationships get too far before they destroy you. I put up a comment talking about my relationship with my ex-bf and it opened a can of worms on there with men and women talking openly about it all. There were women who were relieved they weren't going through this kind of thing alone, and one or two guys who wondered why I didn't leave after the first few times he treated me like crap. I've replied to them all, especially to the men about their queries of why I didn't leave after those first few times. 
It is difficult to understand why people don't leave abusive relationships and unless you've been in one, you'll never understand how much of a trap it can be. Sometimes both people are horrible to each other and don't change. Most times, it's only one person who has trapped the other one and they're treating the the quiet one horribly... and this should never happen. And you know, the people who become involved in abusive relationships are usually very strong people who see the good in everyone - yep that's somebody like me. 

The results from my last relationship is that it's spun my compass about people out of focus. Sometimes I can pick an idiot at 50 paces and other times I can't... but mostly I just can't trust people at all. I've been single for over a decade because I don't trust myself to be in a relationship. But then, when I've been the one in the relationship who has been honest and trusting, the other person has gone out and screwed somebody else. So, really how can I trust anyone when nobody wants an honest and trusting relationship with me? 

Now, when I see Jekyll and Hyde guys around, I just look at them up and down and wonder exactly how they go that way and walk in the other direction. It's not my circus, and not my monkeys... really... and not worth my time. My life and my time is worth so much more than that; and I know it. 

Still, I don't trust anyone - like I said - and after all this time, I think I've improved in a lot of ways. I no longer have nightmares about my ex-bf and I'm not scared of people anymore. I see life a lot differently now. It's all about improving myself, being myself and if people don't like who I am, they can go away. As for those Jekyll and Hyde people? Well, they've got serious social issue they really need to look into.

Chilly Start

It was a chilly start to the day; and I almost didn't get out of bed... almost! But at 7am, I pushed myself to get out and dressed so I could strip the bed and put on the first load of laundry, open up the curtains and let in the sunshine for the day.

Yes, it's been a while since I've posted and I must apologise for my laziness. I'm usually a lot more regular and it's due to my personal life taking a hit. Since my dear friend, Hannah, has been laid to rest, I've begun to see life a lot more different. I'm not going to leave things to sort themselves out. Life is going to be different.

This morning, after I finished two loads of laundry, I took photos around the small garden, I sorted out what needs to go and what plants need to be replace, repotted and how much potting mix will need to be purchased. I'll be also working on how the garden will look as well after around July/August. 

Anyway, the fridge was cleaned out and the rubbish was put out in the bin outside - and the hand washing was hung out on the clothes horse in the living room (as there was no room on the clothes line outside). In between all of this, I ate breakfast as well as sorted out what I needed to get done for the rest of the day - like what is needed to be done for dinner tonight and tomorrow night: a great vegetarian stew is to be done in the slow cooker this afternoon! 

I've still got laundry to put away, vacuuming to do, as well as dusting, the bathroom and both toilets to clean and all my shoes to put away too and then there's some things to sort out as well around the house to make it come back to what it looked like a few months back - tidier and better than it does now. 

Other than this, I'm concentrating on the series of paintings I'm doing at art school of Brunswick Heads; and I'm up to my 4th one! They're looking great, as I am starting to paint faster and see where I went wrong last year when I started working with oils. 

Well, that's all for now. I have other things to get going in my life; and they will take time to prepare and organise. Until they come around, I hope to keep myself from falling back on old habits and stopping like I have recently done. I don't think Hannah would want me to do that... she's want me to keep going and be bold, just like she was, and do better than I can possibly do - with every year being a better achievement than that last. Until my next post, take care, stay safe and remember, I'm always here.

Vintage Clothing Day

Today is the first annual event of Vintage Clothing Day. I've created this event to honour my dear, sweet friend, Hannah Northedge, who committed suicide early last month. 

Hannah was right into the vintage era, clothes and lifestyle and so I thought to create an annual event in her memory 'Vintage Clothing Day' and it's today, 5th, June, as it's today she is being laid to rest in the UK. Unfortunately, I'm unable to make it to her service - and this includes a lot of people across the world who knew Hannah in every way. 

Some of us knew her from school, and throughout her life. While others knew her as a teacher, as they were students who took singing lessons from her - and they knew her for only a short time. However, she had this affect on everyone around her, something which was contagious in the way she carried herself.

She must have been in a lot of pain - physical or mental, or both - to have thrown herself off a cliff (the most horrible way to go) and not tell anyone where she was going. None of us, her friends, knew where she was. As far as I knew, she was in London. 
I knew she wasn't well, and I also knew she was begging for any medical help available and getting nowhere with the hospitals and doctors. The NHS and the medical professionals failed my dear friend; and this is horrendous. 

This is what 'Vintage Clothing Day' is all about. It's a day where you wear your best old clothes to show you have lost somebody in your life - to remember them, that they're not of the past or forgotten - to suicide. Sometimes, the causes to suicide isn't diagnosed properly or easily; and when the causes have gone on too long and the person takes their own life, it's too late.

It's the people left behind who are hurt and who are damaged, who are wondering what else they could have done to help - when really they couldn't have done anything more, and it was the what the doctors should have done which would have helped save that person; or in the very least got them talking.

So, do you think 'Vintage Clothing Day' is a good idea? I think so. It commemorates the passing of my dear friend, who should have had the help and assistance from the doctors who she asked to help her, and they didn't give her enough help, just gave her pills... they didn't see the other problems disguised as everyday habits, they didn't recognise the problems she was having with everything in her life. 

And you know, I don't think any of us saw any of the problems until it was far too late either. In a lot of ways I blame myself for not seeing what was wrong with her... but it's too late now, and this is how I'm hoping to help others in the future - as well as myself - and keep this an annual event. 

Even if it doesn't take off as an event across the world, I'll be doing it next year again to keep Hannah's memory alive.