Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Only the Lonely

It's no big secret that I'm not with a partner in this world.  

I've tried to put myself out there and score myself a guy - or a woman - but I have had no real interest.  People have treated me badly; and it's no reflection on how I've come across, it's totally about how they've treated me from their direction.

Okay, I'm a very positive person.  The glass is half full.  There's two greens near every sand-trap.  There's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow and yes, there's love for us all out there somewhere.  However, at the age of 40, I'm starting to wonder about exactly how this is supposed to turn out for me.

I can't have children.  I have a disease where I need to take medication for it to stay stable and I can't work a regular job.  

These are the down side of me... not that bad really.

Here's the upside of me:

I'm independent
I live in my own place
I have a car (yep I'm allowed to drive)
I have a small hobby business I run for myself
My medical condition is stablised so long I take my medicine and take care of myself well.
I have a loving, supportive family.
I'm a very positive person.

Now, I don't know what's wrong with people out there in the world.  But when they see this kind of attitude in a person, they get all itchy about somebody feeling too good about themselves... about having a too good-a life, too much good luck, getting a little bit of a good run in their lives and have to cut the person who's doing their best in life (and it's working out for them just fine thanks) by the kneecaps.  This is 'Tall Poppy Syndrome' and I've seen it way too much.

I've been a person who has had people torment me with it... and you know something?  I'm damned sick of it.  

Okay, my life is going sweet right now.  

I have people offering me spaces at fetes, markets and arenas around Brisbane like nobody's business!  I mean - woohoo!  I'm so pleased somebody wants my business! - but really there's people out there who don't want me to succeed.  There's that hatred about it around... and I'm not the only one.  It's that form of jealousy that can destroy a person's confidence in themselves.

The horribly sick part of it is that we are designed to destroy ourselves by bringing each other down.

This is a dreadful truth... 

I have learned over the years to not judge people.  I don't know their problems.  I don't know what paths they've walked to get where they are now.  I have no idea where they've been to come into my life right now... however, whatever they're battling is their own private war; not mine. 

We are all alone in our own private wars, our own private affairs... our own wishes, wants and needs.  And the problem with this is that a lot of people love to use the people who truly know what they want in life and throw them by the wayside - without another thought - and leave them to pick up the pieces.  

What I want in life is peace, happiness and love.  Are these things so hard to find?  Or are they just a figment of my imagination?


  1. Sadly we will live in a narrow minded world. Sometimes it pays to keep some secrets to yourself otherwise people will judge you the wrong way.

    1. How true. However, I've learned the hard way that to keep too many secrets isn't good for the start of a relationship... I'd rather get the truth out there at the right time. If the man wants me to be his housewife and I don't like that, I should let him know. However, if he puts across he likes me independent and then does a 180 on me, it really does put a spanner in the works.