Thursday, December 15, 2011

Time of Our Lives

Isn't is funny how time plays a major factor in our lives?  It's always time to go out or time to come home, time to get up in the morning or time to go to bed at night.  It's time for the news, time for this funny show, or time to get in and do study or the housework and pull in the laundry.
However, we never make time to do anything for ourselves.  I have found that when people have reached their forties, they realise with very sudden clarity that they are miserable in their lives and try to change everything.  I'm not knocking anyone who has done this, however, I've always believed in doing a job that you like; and not just because it's there.  So, take the time to look around yourself now and think, do you really like where you are? 
Some years ago, I found that I wasn't happy.  Mum asked me many times and I said I was; until one day, I looked at myself in the mirror and realised I really wasn't, and I didn't know how I had gotten here.  So, I phoned her back and told her I wasn't happy, she said she knew.  It took me over a year to figure out how I had gotten to this stage of being unhappy; and how the hell was I going to get back to being the way I was.  So, I talked to my Shrink (yeah, I needed some advice from a pro) and he said it was time I looked at what I surrounded myself with and did anything in my house make me happy?  I went home, looked around the place and found that there wasn't much that made me want to stay home and enjoy my house.  Then, I remembered something my Grandma once told me: 'Your home is your castle and it's where the heart is.'  I had to make my humble home look and feel like a place I felt welcomed in each time I walked through the door.
Making time to make yourself happy in your own home is hard.  Sometimes this'll mean being selfish, pulling away to rediscover your true self to find out what you really like to do, what your real happiness is.  I found that I had to stop being ashamed of how many books I had; that my passion was the written word and it made me immensely happy to sit and read for whole afternoons and not think of anything else but that; and no, I didn't waste those few hours in any way.  I still don't think I waste days or nights wasting hours reading when I could be doing something else - like I don't know, watching the idiot box in the lounge.  
Soon, other things were making me happy.  I had a few vinyls when I was young; however, I did have a deeper passion for them as a grew.  And so, I began looking for ones I liked; and I found that the more I looked for them, the easier it became to find them.  The next thing I knew, I found a nice turntable and I was set to collect vinyls.  And with each vinyl I collected, there was another out there I wanted.  Now, I can play most any vinyl I can lay my hands on in my collection and enjoy the music from my generation as well as my parents' generation.
However, being happy takes time... a lot of time.  There were other things that took time to find that made me happy.  And I have found that if you're not looking out, time will catch up with your happiness will always be just out of reach.  I know for a fact that life wasn't meant to be easy; I'm living proof; but if you work hard on yourself you can make it an easier place to be.  For me, my happiness was found in the written word, art, music and gardening.  Okay, it took me ages to find out those things, however, I found them; and it didn't take me until the end of my life to find them.  However, it's never too late for anyone to find the time in our uber-busy schedules to slow down enough to take a good look at ourselves and see - recognise - if we're truly happy and having the time of our lives or are we just fooling ourselves and putting up a facade for everyone to see.  If you are, pretty soon that facade will fall apart - as they all do - and you'll have to face the harsh reality that you are not as happy as you have been telling people.  And the longer you leave it, the harder it gets; as you leave behind the real you, it becomes harder to find the real you where you were happiest first off.
I'm heading towards forty and right now, I'm at my happiest time of my life.  I have found my happiness and I'm glad I have as there's not much that can destroy my life right now.  It's a great feeling to be just myself right now.  I can enjoy a great book, a great film and listen to great music in the comfort of my home which has some lovely memories of where I've traveled.  And that's what life is all about, isn't it?  Being able to just be yourself in your own way?  Well, that's what I think. 

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