The Quest For Happiness

Late last night, I was up late listening to the rain and surfing the net on my usual blogs to read before I headed off to bed.  On my last look at my hotmail and peruse of Romance Bandits, I spotted a new post by one of ladies there about Happiness and it got me thinking about exactly how happy people really are.

For example, what happened to me last Sunday with that young man being so rude and obnoxious to me about photographing a flower could have gone a little better from his end.  I handled it well, but really, he didn't. 

But I think we all have a time in our lives where we lose our happiness and positiveness towards life and wonder where in hell it vanished to; and that includes me, as some years back, I wasn't the happiest person around.  I thought I was happy, but it was the illusion of being happy that I was under; like most people who think they're happy when they're not.  It took a lot to admit I wasn't happy and even more to admit that I wasn't the easiest person to live with.

My Mum knew I wasn't happy, but she couldn't tell me, until one day, I realised I wasn't and called her told her as I began to cry.  It was something that surprised me.  What really made me sad was that I had been unhappy for a long time and didn't even know it.

The first thing I had to do was figure out exactly what was making me unhappy.  This took a long time to find, and I made it a kind of mission to firstly make myself happy then it might come to me as to why I was unhappy in the first place.

The very first thing I did was clean out my house.  This took a long time - years in fact - and I am happy I did it as it was while I looked through my piles of paperwork that I found my Year 12 English Senior Certificate for TAFE and that I received a High Achievement.  I hadn't known where that had gotten to and it pleased me to no end that I had passed that subject very well.  No sooner had I found that, but I also found my autographed program, tickets and receipt from the 1986 concert of when James Galway visited Brisbane when I was only 13.  I thought I had lost this!  To find these two things were the first steps to finding my happiness in life.

Cleaning out my house took about 2 or 3 years.  I had to stop a few times and make sure I wasn't throwing out anything I wanted or needed.  I cleaned out my wardrobe, my books (just things I didn't need), the kitchen, my lounge... everything.  It was amazing how many bags went off to charity that I didn't need and somebody else could use.  And giving to people who really needed it made me feel good!  You'd be amazed at how good you feel when you give without expecting anything in return.  It's a massive load off your shoulders when you give pre-loved things to somebody you don't know who will enjoy them as much as you have; and you know your things will live on again with somebody else.

Now, I have a clean out each year - you all know - to keep my house as tidy as I can.  There are a few things in certain areas that I don't get to, but I know it's something I need to work on them.  Otherwise, my kitchen and lounge room are looking good all the time.  I am enjoying my life as it's gotten better and better as each year has passed; even my older brother's noticed I'm getting back on track after all this time from my blues.  He blames the last boyfriend I was with who screwed me up; he's still angry about him and has never forgiven him.  But he does see the progress I've made lately; and thinks it's great even if it has taken a long time.  

Now, it's the beginning of a new year with new things I'm hoping to do and new plans I'd like to take a look at.  Life is better than ever before.  I am enjoying myself more than last year and I don't think anyone or anything can remove me from my happiness - not now or ever.  Until my next post, take care, keep warm and safe and remember, I'm always here.